A behavioral taboo within homes is family nudity, which can be something embarrassing or natural—it all depends on how the family handles the situation. Family nudity is nothing more than parents not minding the presence of their children when taking a shower or even changing clothes, but it’s still a topic to be discussed in some families who prefer not to expose themselves in this way to their children1.
As soon as the baby is born, it’s no big deal to change a diaper in public, or even have family members gathered around to see the size of the new baby’s genitals, whether it’s a boy or a girl.
Some families can continue with this ease up to ages 2 or 3, but as soon as the child gets older, nudity can become uncomfortable for the parents, since for the child, there is no malice involved2.
There is no sexual connotation up to a certain stage in childhood; around the ages of 7 or 8, a child may begin to become aware of their body and start to feel embarrassed to be naked around the opposite sex, or even, in the case of girls, to be naked in front of their father or brother, and boys in front of their mother or grandmothers.
All shy behavior at this age is natural. With changes in the body, a certain shyness may appear, and even some insecurity regarding their changing body. The attitude of family nudity, or not, is also a reflection of the upbringing and examples we have had since childhood; for example, in more reserved families, they will clearly teach a more reserved approach. In others, nudity may happen even after the children are teenagers, not just the parents, but the children too. But to what extent should family nudity be allowed?
Here at home we try to deal with nudity naturally, although the father does not feel comfortable being naked in front of the children due to the upbringing he received, the mother’s nudity is something so natural and habitual… what mother hasn’t found herself in the bathroom taking a shower with her kids, or even when it’s time to pee, with a good audience to watch and chat at such an intimate moment? Always here! I remember since I was little, I always took a shower with my mother and thought it was the greatest thing! It was the height of motherly affection at that moment—I really felt close to her and saw nothing wrong with it, I felt safe. I try today to pass on that sense of safety to the children and I think it works—it has become something natural and without any malice… What’s a penis, what’s a vulva, or whatever names you use at home for the little genitals, won’t be such a curiosity for children who are used to nudity in the family, and there are parents who prefer it this way. Explaining the difference from a very young age can make parents more at ease when the dreaded question arises. “What is sex?” Of course, parents may feel more embarrassed than mothers, but as I said, it all depends on each family, each individual, and how they deal with the issue3.
Well, as the kids grew up, I realized that the limit for preserving privacy started to appear, and family nudity is no longer as natural as it once was. The oldest one feels embarrassed and closes herself off to change clothes. This has been happening since the hormonal changes and body changes began. The boy, on the other hand, is carefree, changes clothes in the living room, in front of whoever is present—of course, family like dad, mom, sisters, grandparents, aunts… An open bathroom door is nothing new with him! But with the girl… everything has changed, but it was by her own will, naturally and with no pressure of “close that door!”—it was the natural evolution of things.
Culturally speaking, it’s a complex subject; people raised at a time when upbringing was stricter and even being naked at home was censored are not comfortable with this topic or with nudity in the family. But even on TV you see indigenous people naturally naked since forever… contradictory? Yes, very much so! The issue is deep—there are all kinds of families and, in some, nudity may not be negotiable. So how to deal with it at home and outside, like at school, for example? Psychologist Natália Melleiro talks more about this, answering questions posed to her.
Famivita: Is there any harm in a child’s development if they are exposed to nudity from parents, for example when showering or changing clothes?
Natália: I don’t believe so. If this is normal in the family, the child will see nudity naturally. The “problem” is with others, right? The child’s interaction in society, at daycare, with friends… How will the families of children not used to this react to a family like this? What could it imply? I believe if the child gets curious, parents should explain everything as naturally and ‘physiologically’ as possible, without sexual connotation…
Famivita: Should parents make it clear to the child that nudity is only natural inside the home?
Natália: Yes! Important! Make it clear to the child that there are people who don’t like to talk about it, that there are friends who aren’t as curious, so if they have any doubts, they should come and ask mom or dad.
Many people may find parental nudity in front of their children absurd, but for others it’s as natural as brushing teeth in front of them. The sexual issue is very distant when it comes to parents and children, but for parents who don’t feel comfortable, there’s nothing wrong with preserving themselves or their child, teaching early on to close the door and change by themselves. Nor should you judge those who deal naturally with nudity at home, in the safety and comfort of their home. What matters is to live well and be happy. That’s why I want to open this space—what is the relationship with family nudity like in your home? How do you handle this issue? Leave a comment.
See you next time!
See also: Co-sleeping – What’s it Like to Have This Experience?
Photo: Claudio Olivares Medina
