Sexual Relationship
Ah, those trying to conceive, when the fertile window arrives, it’s a festival of positions, tricks, and tactics to seduce the husband. Which woman trying hasn’t found herself summoning her husband during her fertile days? I myself would say:
“Today is the day I want to use you for my benefit, my love, let’s reproduce!”
Grab that whip, girl, crack it for a hot night and make a beautiful baby! Wouldn’t it be great if your thumb turned green when you were ovulating? Or if there were a very clear sign, a glowing arrow pointing down at your belly, telling you it’s ovulation time and time to mambo horizontally. But unfortunately, nature isn’t quite as creative as the fertile mind of this former TTCer here.
Having sex on the right days makes all the difference – but loving each other without pressure does too. I confess, I’ve pressured my husband to have sex. But fellow TTCers, no one’s made of steel. I was once an eager, very anxious woman waiting for my positive test. I was also the type who would swing from the chandelier dripping in condensed milk if that’s what it took to get my husband in the mood during fertile days, because sometimes they’re just not in the mood. It’s very important to make your husband feel valued during the trying phase. They can be affected by the bad moods and neuroses of those trying even more than we are ourselves. So, ladies, paying attention to your behavior during this period is a great way to keep the couple united, ok?
Time Factor
It’s true that time moves differently for those trying to conceive, and it really does! We want to get pregnant with the speed of light, so even on the second day after ovulation there are symptoms—we start feeling more sensitive nipples, nausea, cramps, and so on. We barely stop taking the birth control pill before we become anxious, hoping for a positive test a week before our expected period date. But did you know that time is essential at this stage? According to doctors, a “normal” couple may take three months to a year of trying with two to three sexual relations per week. If the timeframe extends beyond twelve months, you should seek a doctor for a couple’s evaluation, not just for the woman—that is very important.
But as time goes by and nothing happens, you start getting anxious, wanting everything to happen quickly. The sad truth is: calm down! When you start feeling this way, it’s time to stop, breathe, count to ten, and just relax. It’s not easy, of course. I’ve felt it myself, but as a psychologist friend always says:
“Those trying and anxiety are a combination of a bomb, a grenade, and much more!”
That is: explosive for emotions—yours and your partner’s too. The point is, if both partners have up-to-date exams, that’s a good place to start staying calm. If nothing is wrong, why worry?
However, if you have a concrete problem like endometriosis or polycystic ovary syndrome, it’s worth emphasizing that patience and calm to follow a proper doctor-recommended treatment are even more fundamental. If your treatment is based on hormonal contraceptives like Selene, for example, give yourself the necessary time to complete it, and make sure to do it correctly. Now, women with severe endometriosis need laparoscopy (surgery for partial or total removal of endometriosis). During this procedure, having specialized help is essential.
Always remember: what’s the use of a good doctor, excellent medication, and spending money on expensive drugs, if anxiety makes you drop the treatment halfway to try getting pregnant? It’s so much better to wait for your doctor’s green light—he knows what he’s talking about and has seen dozens of cases like yours. I know the sense of urgency to get pregnant can seem overwhelming. But, my friend, be aware that everything is for your good and, most importantly, for your baby’s well-being. Achieving everything with a healthy body and having a peaceful pregnancy is the best reward after such a long wait, isn’t it? After all, a baby should come into the world with the greatest gift: full health.
Psychological
Let’s talk more about the psychological side of things. From my own experience, I know: when you’re trying to get pregnant, the world around you seems pregnant—impressive! Friends, sisters-in-law, teachers, even that school friend you haven’t seen in decades shows up with a baby bump. Even that annoying cousin who loves to party and hates children gets pregnant and those trying, who love and want a baby so much, just can’t. It seems unfair, but here’s the explanation:
The psychological factor can affect hormones. It’s been proven that a woman who is late for her period can be even later if she’s afraid she’s pregnant. Often people say, “Relax and you’ll get pregnant.” It can sound like the end of the world to someone trying, but the truth is: a calm mind does make a difference.
So, that could explain the world-wide pregnancies, from people who wouldn’t even want to be carrying a baby, or from former TTCers who ended up adopting a baby or child and then suddenly get pregnant. The absence of anxiety certainly makes the process of getting pregnant easier. Scientifically proven, the famous phrase “relax and enjoy” never made as much sense in my life as it did after I stopped trying. Now, seeing things from the outside, it’s all so much clearer. That’s why, in the heat of the moment, count to ten and let the dust of anxiety settle before getting back to your TTC journey, even if it means taking a few cycles off from TTC life.
I really don’t know what my TTC journey would have been like without my friends and companions in this feeling. They understood me, empathized, and supported me through the dreaded negative moments. Invest your trust in these friends! Someone trying to conceive may seem lost, but within a group, it’s much easier to withstand the long, anguishing wait for the positive result. Everything feels lighter when you go through the trying period with humor and always have sex out of willingness, love, and pleasure.
I know very well there are many out-of-control TTCers! I swear, I couldn’t even walk past a pharmacy without itching hands to buy a test. Just one little test, for God’s sake! I lost count of how many I’ve taken in my life, and honestly, I have no regrets, not even over the saddest moments when I desperately wanted a positive and then got a cold shower with the negative. After almost seven years as a TTCer, I became so inured with negatives that I could even joke about my sadness and laugh it off. Is there another solution?
I clearly remember buying a test, the most expensive one, because that’s the one I had the most faith in. At the time, it cost R$45 and promised to detect pregnancy even before a missed period. What a wonder! Every woman’s dream is to discover pregnancy even before her period is late, but is it possible?
I ordered the test over the phone from a pharmacy where everything cost nearly double, simply because I was so eager to find out if the cycle had worked. I was in such a rush I didn’t even collect urine in a cup—I did it straight on the stick. However, that’s not the right way to do a test. Even with those closed pen-style tests, it’s necessary to deposit urine in the cup. Not only is it safer, but it also keeps you from losing a test; in the end, the urine ran all over, smudged the whole line, and left a stain. Anyway, it was a total disaster and I cried a lot out of frustration. That’s a TTCer’s life. I was a few Reais poorer and still didn’t know if the cycle had worked. So, be sensible when you’re anxious to know if it worked out, ladies!
