It is very difficult to deal with conflicting feelings at this moment in life. Imagine having so many plans for the coming years, and suddenly you discover a pregnancy that was not in your immediate plans and sometimes not even in your future plans. An unplanned pregnancy can become a moment of immense guilt for the couple and even just for the woman who is pregnant. Although we know how pregnancy can be avoided, slip-ups happen and, even if we don’t believe that it will happen to us or that one encounter will lead to a new life, it does—and with everything! Despite the shock it may cause, an unplanned pregnancy, just like a planned one, is a magical moment in life. There is no greater blessing than the arrival of a new life.
However, not everyone is prepared for this surprise and may not handle the news as well as others, which is why it is very important to have someone to advise you before you take any action regarding the pregnancy, tell your family, etc. So, this article is ideal for you to be able to deal with the feelings of an unplanned pregnancy1.
Step 1: Wait for the shock to pass. Although it is completely unexpected and sometimes unthinkable to be pregnant at that moment, you will slowly process the pregnancy. If you already expected to have a child at some point in your life, it may be less difficult for it to sink in. I believe everything will be resolved once the first ultrasound is done2. Seeing your baby’s heartbeat gives you a new perspective on this new phase of life and will give you the certainty that being a mother is a gift from God.
Step 2: Talk to your partner. Feeling that you are not alone is essential. Even if it is not a stable relationship, the father must know and both of you can finally face and enjoy the moment together. If the baby is the result of a fling or a brief relationship, it may be more complicated at first, but even so, believe me, everything will be fine. But if it is a long-term relationship, things will work out for the best and more quickly.
Step 3: Seek a trusted doctor. Starting prenatal care as early as possible is fundamental. Your doctor will also help you with the mix of emotions. Don’t be ashamed to express your feelings, even if you are completely surprised by this new pregnancy. If there is uncertainty about dates, the doctor will guide you and tell you when the baby was conceived. Remember: your health and your baby’s health come first3.
Step 4: Telling your family. If your family is conservative and the pregnancy is not a result of marriage, there may be some resistance. However, fortunately nowadays, it is increasingly common to get pregnant without being in a stable relationship. If you suspect your family might react badly, seek out the most flexible and understanding person in your family to help break the news. Many times, we may be surprised by our relatives’ (parents’ and grandparents’) reactions. A good tip is to let everyone else talk; what really matters is your family—the others will talk whether you like it or not, so don’t worry about them. If you are already in a consolidated relationship (married, engaged, etc.), the pregnancy might not even come as such a surprise to your family. To break the ice, find fun ways to share your pregnancy news.
And When the Conflicting Feelings Don’t Go Away?
Sometimes we can feel bad for a while. How did this happen? Why now? What about my plans? You may feel guilty for not accepting the pregnancy the way it is “supposed to be.” You see people who are happy to learn they’re pregnant, and yet when it happens to you, you don’t have those feelings—at first or even over time. It’s not easy to deal with the obligation of accepting the pregnancy, or with the expectations you start putting on yourself, and sometimes even those that come from people around you.
It’s very important to remember that your feelings during pregnancy will adjust. As the pregnancy progresses, feelings of acceptance will surface, as a natural result of the motherly love that will blossom. That’s why, as mentioned above, you should talk with your doctor, because if acceptance takes a long time to come, the doctor can refer you for psychological support. There is no shame in that—on the contrary, it’s concerning if you don’t seek help. Don’t feel guilty for feeling bad, believe me, you will not be the first or the last woman to face an unplanned pregnancy.
See also: I Want to Get Pregnant and I Can’t! What Now?
Photos: ** Tania **
