A Much Awaited Positive
My dear friend and companion throughout this journey,
we listened to each other many times during this journey as two women trying to conceive. I closely followed your positive test and cried tears of joy when I saw this dear friend’s dream come true.
Positive, two lines! The most anticipated dream in any woman’s life. Wait, wait and wait – that has been and still is the motto of life! And that’s what I did for four long years before I received my miracle.
My name is Fernanda. I got married at 23 and never imagined myself as a mother, nor did I want to think about it. Then one fine day, God woke up my biological clock and the desire was born. I usually say that at that moment a new mother was born, because waiting for a positive result already made me a mother, a mother of a seed planted in my heart.
At age 15, I was diagnosed with polycystic ovaries. Since then, I suffered—and still suffer—from very long, irregular cycles with no ovulation. No ovulation, no pregnancy, so I spent all these years chasing after that blessed ovulation.
First, the first doctor I saw—even though I loved her—came right out and told me: “I’m going to refer you to a specialist because it will be difficult for you to get pregnant.” But I confess that when I went into the specialist’s office, I felt terrible, an overwhelming sadness, and I sought a second opinion. That’s when I met my doctor, Dr. Amadeu Carvalho Jr.—gynecologist, obstetrician, and my personal psychologist, who became a great friend to me.
I did exams, had frustrations and long cycles with no sign of ovulation because I track my basal temperature and have everything written down. I know I ovulated almost never—in four years it happened just twice. I did all the exams, we turned everything upside down, used ovulation inducers, all in vain! Not even with those did I ovulate regularly. That’s when we decided to try something more aggressive: injections. I did the entire insemination process, monitored by ultrasound, and discovered that my disappointments had only just begun. I received a flood of hormones and just one follicle appeared! Let’s just say it was, as the saying goes, “half-baked.” That was when I took HCG to mature and release the follicle, and finally I ovulated—yay!
Little did I know my nightmare was just beginning—a long 14 days until I finally saw the most waited-for second line—Positive! I couldn’t hold it in, I couldn’t believe it, but a few days later, I began to bleed. Soon after, on ultrasound I found out there was no baby anymore. It’s one of the worst feelings I’ve ever experienced in my life. My world fell apart even more! That baby would probably have been born in May 2011, and that’s why for a few seconds I wished I would never celebrate Mother’s Day again.
Finally, 2010 ended, 2011 began, and I was even more anxious and determined. Not a day went by that I didn’t think about it—in the morning, at bedtime, and even in my dreams. When I had bleeding in March, I decided that would be my last month trying. I had decided not to suffer anymore; my husband couldn’t stand seeing me cry all the time. I scheduled an ultrasound halfway through my cycle with a lot of faith, because in a previous exam my ovaries were asleep and the likelihood of pregnancy was just 3%. It seemed like I felt something different, felt that God would give me my miracle, He was guiding me, we prayed, and off we went.
The long-awaited 14th came, and there was my long-dreamed-of follicle, more beautiful than any that came from the injections. Finally, it ruptured, and 11 days later, I saw the longed-for second line again. It was invisible—only Patricia and I could see it! I did the blood test and it was confirmed: POSITIVE! The time to sing had come and Samuel is here. God granted us a great miracle for our joy. I clearly remember that, in this cycle, I repeated the ultrasound to see if that beautiful follicle had ruptured, because I had never seen a corpus luteum in my life, and the doctor said: “Look, speak to your doctor and tell them that there was no pregnancy! Even if you did get pregnant, your endometrium wouldn’t hold your baby, and there are no remaining follicles for the next cycle.” And yet, Samuel is here!
sp>Testimony from Fernanda de Jorge, mother of two-year-old Samuel, who has polycystic ovaries and tried to get pregnant for four long and endless years.
Many Stories in the Search to Become a Mother!
My name is Alessandra Nunes—woman, wife, mother, professional, and blogger in my spare time. I’ve always been someone who plans and organizes everything, especially my dreams and goals. I got married, and my husband already wanted children—I wasn’t in such a hurry. I wanted to advance in my career, build solid financial stability, get a better apartment. And so, as with most women, I thought the dream of becoming a mother could wait a little longer. After all, I thought getting pregnant would be easy.
In 2005, we finally decided to have our first child, full of excitement, but unfortunately things didn’t go as I had planned. Months passed and I wasn’t getting pregnant, when I started to suspect something might be wrong. My doctor always told me it was just a matter of waiting, but I didn’t want to wait. I didn’t know how to be that passive and just hope for something that wasn’t happening, with no explanation. I changed doctors and found out I wasn’t even ovulating and had wasted several months of attempts for nothing. So I made a decision: I would research the subject, understand how my body and conception work, why it was taking so long, and what could be making it difficult—that is, why I wasn’t able to be a mother. After many tests, treatments and attempts, I found out I had endometriosis. A few more treatments, and finally, more than two years later, I got my long-awaited positive. I had a calm and much-desired pregnancy, but my delivery was very complicated and soon after I had postpartum depression, something I never imagined would happen to me. It was several years of treatment to overcome it.
When I thought I had experienced almost everything about motherhood, we decided to have our second child, and I got pregnant again. This time it happened right on the first try—it was a boy. But, unfortunately, once again, things didn’t go as planned, and I lost my baby at six months pregnant. It’s an experience that can’t be described and really changed how I see life. Being a mother already changes you, but losing a child turns you inside out—it’s indescribable. Now I’ve started trying again, and as over a year of attempts has passed, I started fertility investigations and I’m suspected of having bilateral tubal blockage. In the coming days, I’ll be undergoing another test—hysterosalpingography—which many women trying to conceive dread, and depending on the result, I may have to undergo in vitro fertilization.
From this whole journey, the blog “From Fertility to Motherhood” was born—my outlet to share and exchange experiences about all of this, because after all, I’m not alone in this search! The dream to become a mother and experience motherhood is what many of us have. What can I say to you who are reading my story: fight, because it will all be worth it!
Alessandra Nunes, mother of 6-year-old Giovana, has endometriosis and took more than two years to get pregnant.
