I want to be a mother! For me, it was as natural as breathing. Even as a child, I already knew that getting pregnant, being a mother, would be part of my life. For as long as I can remember, I played with my dolls and changed their outfits imagining what it would be like when it was my turn to become a mom. I dreamed of the day I would meet my prince charming and build a beautiful family. I just didn’t realize the dream of being a mother could require so much effort. I want to be a mother, but things aren’t happening the way I imagined!
There was no way for me to know in advance that I would face so many difficulties getting pregnant, like I did. It took seven years of trying in total. For some, that might not seem like much since it was seven years spread over three children. Some women spend that much time just to conceive their first child. But I guarantee: the struggle is the same! Do you think counting endless cycles is easy? Do you think waiting for things to happen is really that comfortable? Waiting is not simple. Your nerves are on edge and not to mention the anxiety and fear of not being able to get pregnant.
My first pregnancy was a surprise. I didn’t know I could get pregnant even on birth control. Accepting this new condition wasn’t that hard, since I had always wanted to be a mom anyway. Unfortunately, the pregnancy didn’t progress and at 11 weeks my angel went back to heaven…
I Want to Be a Mother But Will It Be Easy?
When Joana’s pregnancy happened, it was incredible. Despite the fear of losing another pregnancy, we tried to go through it with no pressure or expectations. When the fifth month of pregnancy came, that’s when we finally relaxed a bit more and enjoyed it. I never imagined being pregnant could be so wonderful… I pictured myself pregnant, but the magic and rewards of this state, I did not. I was really caught by surprise and that’s why I got excited for more times to come. Even though when the second pregnancy happened, and when Dudu was born, I found myself saying, I don’t want any more kids. I had to eat my words! How wrong I was… I wanted to be a young mom! I used to imagine that by 41 I would have two grown children, and then I could enjoy life with them and my husband. Go out to parties and clubs without worries. I was on a path opposite to many other women I know, but I don’t regret a thing! I’ll enjoy whatever life has to offer later, and my career? I do it along with motherhood. It’s more work, but just as rewarding. Being a mom is wonderful, but it’s not free of guilt and fear and it’s also a lot of work.
Shortly after giving birth I caught myself thinking: I want to be a mother one more time! And of course, Marcos wanted this too. Proof of that is his resistance to permanent sterilization methods like vasectomy for example. Even though we already had two children from our love, we still had love to give. He loves our children, and even more so a brand new baby, who he can spoil endlessly. So we started trying for our third child to finally close the factory. The intention this time really was to have my tubes tied so as not to be tempted again. We are parents almost full-time.
We only take time for work and of course, to be alone together. After all, before children, we were two and we want to keep our moments together, as a top priority. But the last pregnancy took so long to happen that we even thought about giving up. When we finally succeeded, we couldn’t believe it, I couldn’t believe it. Was that faint line on the pregnancy test really true? At the end of all the questions we welcomed this new phase joyfully, and after a pregnancy full of problems due to high blood pressure, Melissa was born strong and healthy. Despite all the fears that come with having three children, the joys were so much greater and still are to this day. I melt at the smile in my children’s eyes, my happiness is seeing them healthy and full of life and every new achievement they reach.
Being a mom means infinite responsibilities, countless worries, having to make time for everything and still doing everything in a rush. Not being able to go to the bathroom for 5 minutes without a little hand knocking at the door. Being a mom is never being alone for anything anymore, for the bad moments and especially for the good ones.
The journey to motherhood felt natural, we didn’t want to waste any time when the moment arrived, but the problems I faced because I wanted to be a mom were countless. Not due to criticism about my age (I was young, only 20) but for all the disappointments I had along the way. But you know? Nowadays if someone asked: Do you still want to be a mom? I would say: Yes, I want to be a mom again! I would do it all, all over again, because I know if I had done anything differently, I wouldn’t have the children I have today. I am grateful to God and to life for awakening this desire for motherhood so early in me. That’s how it was for me and now I want to know about you. How did your desire to be a mother arise? How and when did you say out loud and clear: I want to be a mother? Leave your answer in the comments!
Check out also: Third Child – The Challenges of Trying and Being a Mother
Photo: Personal Archive
