Honestly? I think every woman who tries to get pregnant for a while and it doesn’t happen starts to feel powerless and even punished. It really does feel like a huge weight falls on the shoulders of the woman who tirelessly tries, cycle after cycle, to achieve the dream of motherhood. Contrary to what many people think, the waiting is not pleasant. The pressure to have a child begins, and in that moment we feel like the worst people in the world! Why me? Why can’t I get pregnant? Why do I have to wait so long to be able to give life if all I want most in this world is to give love?
Often, couple infertility is not an easy topic. Talking to those around you about what’s happening is not simple to deal with; infertility hurts! Imagine telling everyone who always brings up the topic of children that you can’t get pregnant simply because you aren’t able to? Not everyone will understand and the questioning will no doubt continue. It’s also possible you’ll be seen with pity and people may comment:
“Poor so-and-so, she can’t get pregnant”
In truth, I think opening up about your attempts or keeping them to yourself will always bring some upset. Whether it’s the pressure on the couple, or once the topic is out in the open, the difficulty of talking about it. In fact, pregnancy becomes a very awkward subject. Be honest, have you ever felt that people acted differently around you when someone close gets pregnant? A friend or family member? It seems like there’s a strange atmosphere, doesn’t it? Even though you’re happy for the other person, you may feel sad, upset that it isn’t your moment, but it isn’t your fault, these feelings just happen. You just wish it were you sharing the big news and that’s understandable!
How to Deal With All This?
The big problem comes when you try for a long time and don’t get the result you hope for. Time passes and, already troubled by the situation, you need someone to vent to. If your family is supportive, great! Know that you will find good emotional support to deal with this. Choose someone you trust deeply — like your mother, sister, or even your father or mother-in-law! Look for the person in your circle you trust most—certainly, sharing your fears and frustrations with someone who loves you and returns that love will help. But make sure that person won’t spread the news of your attempts so you don’t feel even worse than you already do. Venting is the best option, but always to someone you can trust.
If you’d rather keep the attempts between the couple and the waiting is tormenting you, seek a professional. Psychologists can really help when something bothers you so much. Don’t forget to keep your tests up to date, so you’ll know the problem isn’t just a matter of lacking a proper diagnosis. Do everything your doctor asks. In fact, couples who try for more than 2 years without success are great candidates to see fertility specialists. Don’t think fertility doctors are just there to recommend in vitro fertilization or insemination—on the contrary! They deal with so many cases every day, and more than anyone else, they understand the emotional roller coaster that couples face cycle after cycle.
It’s truly not easy to deal with infertility and waiting for a moment that seems like it will never arrive is frustrating, exhausting, and will leave a mark for life. But I believe that above all there is a divine will. One that knows exactly how and when to act for the good of those who strive to do good. If you believe in God, know that His will is perfect, good, and pleasing, and at the right time He will make your dreams come true. “You do your part and I’ll do mine.”
See also: Fear of a Negative Pregnancy Test – Trying to Conceive Issues
Photo: Corelinn, Leonard John Matthews
