Since childhood, we already dream about having a family, with children, and with all the care we will give them. But as we grow up and realize how much responsibility comes with having children, the dream of having a full house may be set aside, along with the number of children we once wanted. Before, the idea was to have 3 or 4 children, but today, having an only child seems like the best option — or is it?
In the past, it was normal to see large families with a very high number of children — 7, 8, 10 or even 12. This is very different from today, where this number is decreasing more and more, and sometimes couples even decide not to have children at all1. The reasons given are busy lives, financial difficulties, the challenge of achieving things, and the most cited point: how hard it is to raise a child, especially in today’s world. But for those who let their desire for motherhood speak louder, the question of having an only child or more is always present!
When the first child comes, you’re sure to start hearing the famous question: “When will you have the second?” or “Now you need another to make a pair, right?” Of course, these types of questions and comments will repeat whether you have 1, 2, 3, or 4 children—after all, other people’s curiosity about our desire to have more children, or just one, will always exist. And let’s admit, it’s quite an uncomfortable situation, isn’t it? If we want more kids or only one, it’s our own choice and should come entirely from us!
As parents, when it’s time to make this decision, we’re torn by various issues and details, and of course, many worries, because we always want to provide the best for our children. But the question that comes up is, is it worth being able to give everything best and brightest, but having them raised alone? Or is it better to share comfort, but offer a sibling — a life partner and companion, for the journey ahead? This is a constant dilemma among couples who already have an only child, especially those whose child has never asked for a sibling. For the families whose child keeps requesting a brother or sister, the decision turns out to be easier, since it comes from the very person parents are most concerned about possibly suffering from the birth of a second child.
Pros and Cons of Having Only One Child
Since forever, we tend to label an only child as spoiled and lacking boundaries, but in reality, we can’t say that’s always the case! A child reflects exactly the upbringing and education they receive at home. That’s why we can’t generalize. Of course, if a child gets everything they want with no limits or rules, they’ll become a little ‘king’ and think they rule the world. But this isn’t a privilege of the only child — it’s the result of excessive pampering, regardless of how many children you have.
Because of parents’ busy professional lives, we’re increasingly seeing “affection being replaced by material things”—and while this may seem like compensation in the moment, it actually creates major problems down the line, because what truly matters in a child’s development is presence, love, and parental attention. Setting boundaries and rules does not make us bad parents, nor the bad guys, as we sometimes feel when we punish their mistakes. On the contrary, it means we are lovingly teaching them that life does not always go the way we wish or expect.
Studies about only children show they are more likely to achieve brighter futures in life, since they receive a better education, more learning opportunities, and a higher quality of life2. With just one child, parents can provide courses, trips, outings, and everything that can add to their development—much more so than in families with several children, where everything becomes more challenging.
On the other hand, this same study points out that only children can have relationship and socialization issues, since they’re accustomed to living alone and didn’t learn from an early age how to share or live with other people3. So, in truth, it’s a game of pros and cons—just like everything else in life! Unfortunately, we can’t always get it right or be the perfect parents 100% of the time, because we’re human too. Regardless of what we choose or how many children we have, we will do our best for them and do everything possible to see them happy and well-educated.
See Also: Children with Large Age Differences
Photo: Ivan de Paula
