When pregnancy is much desired, we imagine everything happening naturally—the positive test, the whole process, and also the birth. We have a romantic, perhaps even poetic, vision of motherhood and especially of the moment of delivery. However, when pregnancy becomes a concrete reality in a woman’s life, fear of childbirth can appear and ruin this beautiful moment.
Fear of childbirth can be accompanied by a lot of insecurity, nightmares, and even panic attacks and anxiety in more severe cases. The reason? Fear that something will go wrong during childbirth. Fear of pain, fear of not having the birth you want, fear something could happen to the baby, fear of dying… Fear of the unknown can have the power to scare women.
Even knowing what might happen (at least having an idea of the process), the fear still exists; for second-time moms, the fear of childbirth is less than the first time, but it will still be present. Even though the moment is one of joy and happiness for bringing a greater love into a person’s life, fearing setbacks is normal. However, if fear of childbirth is bothering you to the point where you only have negative thoughts, the pregnant woman may have a big problem on her hands. Let’s say fear is normal, but the type of fear that prevents you from doing normal day-to-day activities is not healthy. A recent study showed that women with excessive fear of childbirth can develop postpartum depression, so the sooner she deals with this fear disorder, the better.
But how can you keep this fear from taking over and preventing you from enjoying the moment? Is there a secret to enjoying pregnancy without letting the insecurity that something bad might happen disrupt the course of pregnancy or even on the day of delivery?
How to Deal With Fear of Childbirth?
The greatest weapon a person can have against the fear of a new situation is knowledge. Therefore, talking about your fears with your doctor is very important. Find out how the procedures will be carried out, both for vaginal births and for C-sections or any other kind of procedure performed before or after birth. Clearing up questions about anesthesia, talking about what you may or may not feel, and also discussing what to expect after birth will make you feel more secure and will certainly reduce your fear of childbirth.
I remember when I was young and knew nothing about childbirth, I didn’t see myself having a difficult birth, but the anxiety was there. Fear of what I might go through, of how it would be, whether I would manage… Even though my birth was good, I didn’t feel pain and it was quite calm during the procedure, the second time, I really confess that fear took over me. Even knowing what I was in for, in a way I worried about several things:
Fear of dying: Since I had a C-section, I experienced some normal discomforts from anesthesia. These made me think twice about having another delivery like the first, even though it went well. The shortness of breath I felt after the anesthesia was given haunted me. The trauma of my first daughter’s premature birth also lingered. Fear that my water would break early again and the delivery would have to be rushed like before.
Fear of incisions: I felt capable of being a mother, but my fear of childbirth brought me another discomfort: fear of not being able to handle it at the crucial moment. Birth itself is very beautiful, but for those who go through invasive procedures like a C-section, there is indeed an additional fear. After all, there are seven layers to be cut. Would the recovery be good? Would I have any allergies or problems with the medication? In short, there was so much to think about…
How did I resolve these fears? By talking to a doctor who referred me to a psychologist. That period was very intense in my life—I confess I felt fragile and vulnerable about what might happen, and if I hadn’t had professional help, I wouldn’t have been able to approach childbirth with the calmness I had. Sharing my fears with the doctor and the psychologist did me a lot of good. They helped me see that fear is normal for humans, but whatever we’re about to experience, we can’t let fear take over. I learned that fear is an important factor in a person’s life, but we should not let it become a limiting element. Living life in fear—living the moment of pregnancy in fear—takes away all its beauty! Remember that you are bringing new life into the world, and the baby feels everything we’re feeling. Passing on a sense of security to your baby and everyone around you is very important.
Listening to what others have to say is also important, but we must filter out what is good or not good for us. There’s always that distant aunt who comes in telling you that her neighbor’s friend’s cousin’s godmother died in childbirth, or that so-and-so had problems during a vaginal birth, or that they had to reopen the incision because of an infection. Bad things can happen, but we need to focus our energies on the best possible outcomes and delete those comments. We should know that everything other people go through is by chance, and each case is unique.
I needed to go through it myself to get a little help and be happier at the most incredible time of my life. I recommend telling your doctor what’s bothering you, talking to nice people about their birth experience, and reading stories on good websites like Famivita Content, haha. This will certainly bring you more peace to face fear of childbirth. Remember that we are all made of flesh and bone and a little fear is natural. Just don’t let it take over your life; if you feel it’s getting in the way, ask for help—there’s nothing to be ashamed of.
See also: Anxiety Report in Pregnancy – Time That Seems Not to Pass
Photo: Corelinn
