And when you’re trying to get pregnant and it feels like everyone around you is pregnant except you? It’s such a contradictory feeling and, I admit, on some occasions I caught myself feeling bad for thinking it could have been my turn to have a baby. I think anyone who’s been following me for a while already knows that I struggled to get pregnant because of some health problems both my husband and I had. He had varicocele and I had rebellious hormones that kept making my cycles completely crazy—sometimes 30 days long, sometimes 70 days.

Well, many times I read stories from other women who were also trying to conceive and I always came across the same feelings that I had and identified with so much. If you’re trying to get pregnant, even if only for a short while, you’ll always feel that end-of-cycle anxiety—it’s practically a rule! Haha, and if you are the same kind of overanxious wannabe-mom I was, you will struggle much more! I was NEUROTIC! Seriously! Haha, now I laugh at the things I did, but at other times I’m embarrassed by some of the crazy things I did that only someone trying for a baby would understand—and I spent tons of money on pregnancy tests.

There’s this position, that position, on the side, on your back, legs up, pillow under the butt so the “little swimmers” don’t slip out… oh, so many things we try and things don’t always work out as we hope at the end of that cycle—the much dreamed-of pregnancy. If someone told me hanging from a chandelier would get me pregnant, I’d do it! Hahahaha

I always heard from those with more experience: “When you relax, you’ll get pregnant!” Oh, what a cursed phrase! But honestly, looking back now, that’s exactly how it is. Sure, nothing stops a woman from getting pregnant with her nerves on edge, but when we’re calmer—with more time for other things—it just seems like everything flows better. Women are funny creatures! We talk about the most intimate things our bodies go through without shame; I’ve heard so many things—I did this position, that position, and honestly, the solidarity between women is real!

There are so many stories about relaxing: women who adopted and then got pregnant soon after, others finally land their dream job and bam! Others go back to school, get busy with college work, and then get pregnant. But what does it even mean to relax? This topic consumes the days and nights of those trying to conceive and, in cases like mine, it becomes a real journey. We dream of that positive pregnancy test and despair, wondering what’s wrong, why that moment never comes. A 28-day cycle feels like an eternity!

At times I gave up, at times I panicked, at times I was frustrated, at times I cried, and I was always comforted by my friends, my companions in this journey, partners in basal temperature charts, companions in anxiety—and I honestly say, without them it would not have been the same. I thank each one of them, and they know very well how hard it was for us. Most managed to get pregnant after some time trying, others haven’t yet, some are trying again—either because they already had a baby or because they lost one. But you know, all of us share the same feeling and the same noble goal: to carry for nine months the greatest love that could exist in the world, to create and give birth—to become a MOTHER!

Never, never give up, no matter how hard it gets, no matter how complicated your situation may seem, I know someone much greater is looking out for us and will always bless us with the much-desired pregnancy. Maybe not at the time we want, but at the time He planned for us. And remember, feeling a little down when everyone else is pregnant is more than normal! Your time will come, okay?

Good luck to you, trying mom! May God watch over you, and may you achieve your dream of becoming a mother as soon as possible. I open up this space to all women trying or wanting to try—ask your questions, comment, and support each other. This friendship is as important as water is to a plant to help it grow strong. You can always count on me—the eternal wannabe-mom!

See also: False Positive Pregnancy Test: Does It Exist? My Experience

Photos: Claus Rebler