So many dreams, wishes, and plans, the long-awaited positive finally arrived! Like a whirlwind of emotions and feelings, the anticipation during pregnancy is something magical and at the same time suffocating. The anxiety to see your baby’s face for the first time, to touch, smell, and breastfeed them can become overwhelming.
And the fears? How many nightmares that something might go wrong? And what about when suddenly all the dreams, plans, and hopes come to an end without warning? How does one deal with the pain of losing a child after birth?
I have not been through this experience, but as a mother, I can imagine the immeasurable pain a woman faces at this moment. Watching your dreams slip through your fingers and having nothing you can do to prevent or change the outcome. Death is already seen as something sad and very difficult to deal with, even more so when it involves the death of a child. That’s why this topic must be handled with the utmost care and sensitivity, sparing harsh or, in many cases, unnecessary words. If you don’t have anything good or comforting to say, it’s better not to say anything! Silence and a hug are often the best remedy for the pain.
Questions like “Why me?” are almost unavoidable. But no answer found will ever be enough to mend the immense emptiness left behind. The feeling that a part of you has been taken away, an uncontrollable pain and despair take over, but all of this is part of grieving. Going through the grieving process, suffering, and crying as much as you need is the best way to get through this moment. There’s no point in trying to run away, in distracting yourself or in telling the world you’re okay, after all, all the expectation and love invested from the moment you found out you were pregnant will not be returned, due to your child’s absence.
Many women end up disconnecting from reality, building “resistance” to face the situation. In total shock, they can’t express a reaction, suffer, or say anything except being consumed by such intense pain. Arriving at the maternity hospital to give birth, seeing other mothers with their babies, and leaving without your own in your arms.
It is a maddening, unbearable, and completely cruel pain…
For parents going through this moment—especially mothers who suffer all the pains of pregnancy and childbirth and carry within themselves all the expectations—support and care from the moment in the maternity hospital are essential. A bond was abruptly broken, dreams slipped through your fingers, and as desperate as the search for reasons may be, nothing will make the pain pass quickly.
The grief after the loss of a child after birth must be experienced, cried over, and faced in whatever way feels right, without pressure or judgment. Cry, cry as much as you need to and as many times as you want! But be sure of one thing: the pain will never go away, but the intensity will! New dreams will be dreamed, new plans will be made, and new projects can be put into practice! All in your own time! One child does not take the place of another, but life goes on and must be lived deeply. Cry, suffer, but when you’re able to get up, start dreaming again. Give yourself the chance to experience motherhood again and to live a new story!
See also: How to Deal with Loss – The Pain that Doesn’t Go Away
Photo: Public Domain Archive
