Motherhood is seen both as a natural biological destiny in the lives of women and as a “social obligation” to procreate and care for children. But not all women want to be mothers and some have chosen not to answer this biological call or social expectations.

According to the study About Women and Mothers: An Approach to the Theory of Care, among the definitions regarding what it is to be a woman, motherhood appears as something naturally imposed by her biological condition, yet even so, a woman can choose not to be a mother, despite having the anatomical conditions for it.

Some women do not want to have children because they have chosen to dedicate themselves to their professional life, others do not want children because they do not feel capable of fulfilling the role of a mother, and some even desire children, but are afraid.

Where Does the Fear of Having Children Come From?

 The fear of having children is often related to a woman’s view of the world she lives in. It stems from the perception of injustices, inequalities, prejudices, intolerance of differences, and the certainty of one’s own powerlessness in protecting a child from the ills of the world.

For some women, the fear of having children may also be connected to the perception and injustices they experience in their own condition as a woman in the world. “And if another girl is born? How can she be strong living in this world?”

Violence is another factor that can influence the decision not to become a mother; the choice not to want children can involve the fear of not being able to protect the child from the cruelty present in the world. Some women have a different view about having children. They believe that bringing a person into the world involves a great deal of responsibility, especially educational and social, and the overwhelming fear of not meeting the expectations implicitly tied to the social role of motherhood leads them to decide not to have children.

“I Don’t Want to Be a Mother” – This Decision Should Be Respected

 There are couples who think the same way and have chosen not to have children, but despite this decision, they have to face over the years the pressure and questioning from family members, friends, and even strangers. Some couples have a busier lifestyle, like to travel, have fun, and believe that having a child does not fit with the choices they have made.

Differences are natural and must be respected. The decision not to have children belongs only to the woman and the couple; constant questioning about this choice is just as unpleasant as “When are you going to have a second child?”

Being a woman is not limited to motherhood; it is a personal decision that should be made based on what makes a woman feel secure, especially with herself.

But What If a Woman Wants to Have Children but Is Afraid?

If a woman wants to be a mother but has fears, it is essential that she seek psychological support, because this fear can sometimes be related to issues dating back to her own childhood. Many women are afraid of the pain during childbirth; in fact, there is even a term for cases of phobia of childbirth (tokophobia). Depending on the fear and its severity, adequate treatment should be pursued.

A pregnancy where the woman does not feel prepared or free from fears can lead to even more difficulties. It is essential for her partner to also provide strong support through conversation and even sharing their own fears, since it’s not just women who are apprehensive about parenthood; many men are also uncomfortable with the idea of becoming a father.

Some women who say ‘I don’t want children’ worry about bringing another life into the world even before conception. They fear that they will not be able to protect their children as a mother should, but this is simply a sign that motherhood is a role they could perform excellently. It is this love and care for the child’s happiness and wellbeing that makes so many women extraordinary mothers.

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