The other day I was talking to a friend and she was telling me everything she did for her husband, things like pampering her love by feeding him by hand lol or giving exclusive attention to her hubby. Of course, after all, whether you’re newlyweds or have been married for a while, life is very, very different from when you have a baby. I remember all the things I used to do for my love when it was just the two of us; I think it was a beautiful, romantic phase that we lived intensely. Of course, we try to keep the romance, but then the children arrived and the routine that was once just for a couple changed… We tend to romanticize the situation too much and sometimes have no idea about the problems that can arise, such as a father feeling jealous of his child and the mother, for example.
When a couple is united in the dream of having a baby, things can be much easier, but there are cases where after the birth, the father starts to miss his wife, how things were before pregnancy and childbirth. But it’s not that she’s not around, she’s just present in a different way. During pregnancy, there are still two people living together, but after the baby is born, it becomes three, and the woman’s life, care, and attention are especially directed toward the baby. The dad can end up feeling “left out” in the whole story.
Of course, these are isolated cases and facts, but it happens, you know? Yes, the dad can start to feel jealous of his own child with his wife. Sometimes because he feels left out, sometimes because he no longer gets all the exclusive attention and affection he had before the baby arrived. It seems like a competition, but really, it’s not. This feeling is normal and completely understandable; after all, life changes drastically with the arrival of a child. But women can get lost in this “competition” and jealousy—the sleepless nights, the feedings, and all the new adjustments require the collaboration of the husband, father, and partner. Everything becomes much easier when the couple is in sync, but things get complicated when the man doesn’t understand the changes and sometimes doesn’t accept them. So how do you deal with such a complicated situation?
Dialogue—always dialogue. I think a father’s feelings can be quite confused right after the birth, and then there’s the whole postpartum recovery period that can make things even harder. The couple’s sex life will definitely be affected. Anyone who already has a baby knows this: with every pregnancy, every child brought into the world, the sex life “suffers.” Intimate moments become more and more spaced out, and always only when the baby “allows” lol. Analyzing your partner’s behavior can help too; are his complaints really justified? We get so caught up in motherhood that we might neglect the marriage, the husband-wife relationship, living only this magical moment that is so special for the woman and the couple as a whole. We must never let the maternal side take over the marriage. It’s essential that the relationship between the couple remains a special moment as before, despite the fatigue and all the new responsibilities.
There are several reasons why this jealousy might arise; among them, a man might feel insecure with the arrival of a baby, face the weight of new responsibility, and wonder about his importance in this whole situation. Even though both partners are involved, the changes might be too much for someone who resists change, and there can also be a certain competition for attention.
A baby is the fruit of two people’s love and should not be a reason for disagreement between the couple; the baby should unite both parents, but sometimes the controversial feeling of jealousy ends up sneaking into the new situation. It’s up to us women to balance our actions and help dad during this difficult phase. Get him involved as much as possible in activities and remember that, before anything, you are a couple, and dating is essential for keeping the relationship healthy, even after the children arrive. Alone time may become rarer, but try to seize those moments, and you might even make them happen more often. Ask the baby’s grandma, an aunt, or a friend for help—they can really help by staying with the baby so the couple can have some time alone.
In the end, making your husband feel that his wife is still there is fundamental. Now you are parents, but the love between the couple should never be left behind. Talking is the key to everything!
See Also: Sexual relationship after childbirth
Photo: Extra Medium
