Just flip through a celebrity magazine to see the constant use of the term “independent motherhood.” But what does it really mean? What are the challenges? Why are so many women choosing to have children without the help of a male figure? It’s not new that women have been gaining more space in society. Whether in the professional or intellectual field, they are focused on their own growth. As a result, many of them put relationships or motherhood itself on the back burner.

Why choose independent motherhood?

This question is a bit difficult to answer, as it involves many intimate aspects of being female. A large percentage of women who choose independent motherhood make this decision because of age or even after some failed relationships. The desire to be a mother ends up being stronger than maintaining the traditional family standards with a father and mother, and they give up sharing this moment with a partner or even sharing the education of a child with someone else.

A well-thought-out decision

Although in theory independent motherhood seems like an easy term to tackle, in practice the situation is somewhat different. There are a number of doubts and insecurities for the mother-to-be. The arrival of a child is already difficult for even a well-structured couple, imagine for a woman alone who will have 100% of the responsibilities on herself.To conceive, to carry, to give birth, to breastfeed, to deal with the newborn. Later on, to educate, to teach values, to talk about their origin is a hard task that every woman who chooses independent motherhood must know she will face alone. How will you explain your decision in the future? Will you have support from your family?

Prejudice

In a street survey, some people were asked how they viewed “new family models.” Unmarried couples raising children? Gay couples raising children? Regarding each of these growing trends, more than 40% said they were indifferent.Many of these people really were not concerned about the increasing number of women who have never had children (55% said they didn’t care). However, there was a big exception when asked about the increase in single women who choose independent motherhood, 69% of these people said it was a bad thing.Usually, when a woman decides on independent motherhood, she relies on the support of close family, meaning her father, mother, siblings and a few friends. The rest will always ask that classic question: “Why don’t you just go out and be with someone?”But following this idea of an immediate solution, would it be ethical to get pregnant on purpose, without knowing the opinion of the other person involved? What are the risks of catching sexually transmitted diseases, or even congenital diseases for the baby?Dealing with a new situation really bothers people and this prejudice is increasingly visible whenever this topic comes up.

Is there an ideal age to be a mother?

Since the latest advances in medicine in the area of fertilization, people have come to believe that motherhood can be easily postponed until after forty years old without consequences. This idea is also repeatedly promoted by the media, which is always showing actresses who had children at an older age, as if this were the most normal and simple thing in the world.Of course, with the processes of fertilization, insemination, medications, tests and all the technology, it is possible to have children at an older age, and in a much safer way. But the woman’s biological clock has not changed because of this.It has always been and continues to be advisable to have children up to the age of 35, when the fertility rate is still high and there is less risk for both mother and baby.Becoming a mother after this age is possible, of course, but after forty, with older eggs, not only does fertility go down, but the risk of some health problem is much greater.

How to Choose a Donor for Independent Motherhood

In Brazil, semen donation is completely anonymous and free. Potential donors have their identities protected by law and are prohibited from receiving any remuneration for the act. Various exams are given to ensure the donor’s health and sperm quality, and there are also questionnaires and psychological interviews.After six months, tests are repeated to guarantee that no transmissible disease has appeared during that period. Although the protocol for sperm donation is one of the safest in the world, it is also the slowest for those seeking a donor, which ends up complicating the process. There are few certified donors in the country who meet the requirements.

Requirements for being a sperm donor

Some strict requirements must be met in order to become a possible sperm donor.

  • Be between 18 and 45 years old;
  • Be healthy and not belong to any risk group for STD – Sexually transmitted diseases;
  • No genetic or congenital diseases in the family;
  • Availability to take the exams and appear at least 6 times at the bank to make the donation.

In São Paulo is located the largest sperm bank in the country, Pro-Seed. At the sperm bank, the collection and all the necessary tests are performed, and after this step, the material is sold to fertilization clinics throughout Brazil, always keeping the donors anonymous. And, since there are few donors, the cost per sample is not cheap, the price ranges between R$ 1,500 and R$ 2,200.

How Donor Selection is Done

The choice of donor is made at the clinic. A spreadsheet is provided with data from each donor such as ethnicity, ancestry, hair color, eyes, weight, height, profession, and hobbies.Each donor is identified by a unique number and you can select up to 3 options on the forms. The great majority of women who choose independent motherhood look for a donor with characteristics similar to their own, so the child will be more likely to look like the family.Qualities are also welcome, for example, if the woman is short she can choose a taller man so that her baby, upon reaching adulthood, may have a greater stature than hers. You can take genetic probabilities into account such as avoiding hereditary obesity, eyes, hair, abilities, and profession.

How the Procedure is Performed

The first thing you need to know when deciding on independent motherhood is which method to use. Nowadays, there are several procedures to achieve the long-desired baby.In general, when a woman chooses to have a baby on her own, it is almost always after the ideal age for pregnancy, so several factors will be considered, such as the condition of the eggs, overall condition of the reproductive system.

Assessment Exams for Women

For this, the doctor will begin the process by performing some tests. The first step towards achieving the dream of independent motherhood is:

  • Hormonal evaluation of the woman;
  • Complete ultrasound of the uterus and ovaries;
  • Checking the fallopian tubes;
  • Exams to detect sexually transmitted diseases.

In more complex cases, the specialist will ask for another series of more specific tests. Among the treatment methods, the most common initial approach is Fertility Medications.

How Fertility Medications Work

Fertility medications are injected or taken in pill form. These medications release hormones that induce ovulation and increase the production of eggs, making the uterus more receptive to embryo implantation.Success rates: 40 to 45% of women who take the pills and ovulate get pregnant. But if there is damage or blockage in the tubes or scarring from endometriosis, that percentage drops to almost zero.

Pros and Cons of Medications

Pros: medications are typically the first choice in fertility treatment due to their low cost and relative convenience.Cons: possible bloating, headaches, hot flashes, and nausea. Side effects worsen with cycles and include risks of multiple births, premature delivery, and the formation of large ovarian cysts.Costs: There is a very wide variation in price depending on the treatment location, whether the medication is in pill or injectable form, and whether blood tests and serial ultrasounds to monitor the follicles developing the eggs are included.

Artificial insemination or in vitro fertilization, which method to choose?

Both techniques are considered effective for conceiving a baby and achieving the dream of motherhood, even through independent motherhood.

Artificial Insemination (IUI)

How it works: specially prepared (“washed”) sperm is inserted directly into the uterus via a thin, flexible catheter during intrauterine insemination. After ovulation-inducing drugs, it is the most common fertility method.If the woman opts for this method, the doctor may recommend stopping the fertility medications to increase the chances of fertilization.Success rates: depends on the woman’s age and quality of sperm used. Generally, there is a 15 to 20% chance of conception per cycle, with a 60 to 70% chance of pregnancy after 6 cycles.Pros: a simple procedure that can be performed in a doctor’s office.Cons: may result in multiple births.

In Vitro Fertilization (IVF)

How it works: the process is performed in cycles where the eggs are extracted and fertilized with sperm in a laboratory. Once the embryos develop, one or two are implanted in the uterus and the rest are stored for future implantations.Success rates: depend on age – 41% of women (under 35 years); 32% (from 35 to 37 years); and 23% (from 38 to 40 years) get pregnant.Pros: Has a relatively high success rate compared to other methods.Cons: the treatment is expensive and physically exhausting, requiring a strict regimen of fertility drugs before starting each cycle.

A curiosity

In Iceland, about 67% of babies are born to independent mothers. A combination of generous social programs and a society open to new experiences has ended up making the traditional union (man x woman) obsolete.A unique culture of independent motherhood has developed. The lack of social stigma and a relaxed attitude toward marriage and sexual morality make single-mother families more viable in Iceland.Living in a small community means relatives are often close and can devote themselves to child care. This does not mean, of course, that independent motherhood is easy. Independent motherhood challenges myths, raises awareness, and overcomes all the stereotypes that diminish and degrade single-parent families.See Also: Solo Mother – Dedication Without LimitsPhotos: VaniaRaposo, geralt, DrKontogiannilVF