For many women, the arrival of a child is a source of joy and love, but not for all! Some experience after the birth of their babies feelings of sadness, fear, insecurity, anger, and may even reach the point of rejecting their baby after delivery. Others are completely indifferent to any feelings.

Why Does Baby Rejection Happen

Different factors lead to this condition, reflecting the mother’s life circumstances, the conditions in which the child was born, her relationship (or lack thereof) with the child’s father, her plans for the future, and the real possibilities of achieving them. These are the so-called emotional and physical factors.

Emotional Factors that Lead to Baby Rejection in the Postpartum Period

Real and Imaginary Child

During the nine months, the woman dreams, imagines, creates expectations about her baby. Ideas are built around this child—its appearance, its personality.Many times, it is imagined as almost perfect, and plans for the future are created. At birth, the mother is faced with a baby far from what she imagined, especially if the way the baby came into the world was traumatic: prolonged labor, premature birth, or an emergency cesarean section.The difficulty in breastfeeding, or even a health problem with the child. All these things inevitably affect mood, creating mixed and negative feelings. Many psychologists define this as a “voluntary interruption of fantasy.”

Baby Blues

Baby blues is a very common emotional condition1. About 50% of women go through it. The typical symptoms generally arise 2 to 4 days after birth and may last up to 2 weeks. Symptoms include:

  • Little interest in caring for the newborn
  • Impatience
  • Irritability
  • Guilt for feeling that motherhood may never be enjoyable
  • Unjustified sadness
  • Little desire to communicate
  • Loneliness
  • Crying for no apparent reason
  • Insomnia

Teen Pregnancy

In general, when a teenager gets pregnant, she fears being socially rejected. One consequence is isolation from her friend group since she feels judged by those around her.There’s also the issue of family problems. Informing the parents about the pregnancy is often a source of conflict. As a result, pregnancy in very young women leads to rejection of the baby. They are still children themselves and do not wish to take on the responsibility, time, and obligations that come with being a mother.

Women Who Choose Not to Have Children

Many women who dedicate themselves to professional growth choose not to have children. The ambition to progress and the temptation of promotions, status, salary, and good positions lead them to set motherhood aside.But what about when they discover they’re pregnant? The fear of losing their job or not achieving their professional goals ends up making these mothers feel anger towards a baby who arrived at the wrong time. Rejection happens when many feel pressured to pause their career to dedicate themselves to their child.

Women Who Suffer Abuse from Their Husbands

Women who live in environments where they constantly suffer physical and psychological abuse from their partners tend to reject their child after birth.Living under torture—often physical—becoming pregnant by one’s abuser and accepting the reality is not easy. Many of them feel aversion to the baby because they cannot separate him from someone who so often assaulted their life, morals, and body.

Pregnant Women Abandoned by Their Partners

When pregnancy happens, the couple’s life changes greatly. Various factors can cause paternal abandonment: immaturity, doubts about paternity, behavioral changes, or simply the fact of having a baby.Some couples do not get along, and the attempt to save a relationship ends up bringing the idea that having a child might renew the couple’s bond.When abandonment by the partner occurs, very often the woman transfers her grief to the child who has just been born. In such cases, baby rejection after birth is generally temporary.

Mothers With Small Children

Some women become pregnant within a short period between pregnancies because they want their babies to be raised together; others unintentionally become pregnant in the postpartum period.This often leads to rejection of the new baby, simply because they cannot devote enough time to the older child, fear of having another pregnancy so soon, especially if the previous delivery was cesarean, or not knowing if they will cope with caring for two babies.

Pregnancy Under Socioeconomic Hardships

A lack of financial means to support one or more children and family pressure are factors that lead to baby rejection after birth. Women living in poverty worry about the wellbeing of their other children, projecting their angst about not being able to provide a better life for the older ones onto the newborn.

Is It Possible to Prevent the Baby From Being Rejected?

Supporting the pregnant woman throughout the nine months and helping her acquire her new role will definitely help her gain awareness of the new situation and enable her to embrace motherhood, especially if she has a particular life experience or is at-risk age (below 16 or above 35).Knowing she is “not alone,” having reference points and people she can trust is extremely important, especially for women who are insecure and fearful about their new role.

Physical Factors

Postpartum Depression

There is an important distinction between baby rejection due to Baby Blues and Postpartum Depression. When baby rejection persists—even after the woman becomes aware that her life is now being a mother (usually after the baby’s first month)—this is no longer just temporary sadness, but actual depression. The symptoms last longer and are persistent2.

What Leads to Postpartum Depression?

The exact cause is unclear, but there are reasons that may contribute to the development of the condition.Physical: one of the biggest physical changes after childbirth involves hormones. While pregnant, a woman’s estrogen and progesterone levels are higher than usual.A few hours after childbirth, the levels of these hormones return to what they were pre-pregnancy. This abrupt change may lead to depression.Emotional: a woman is more likely to develop postpartum depression if she has had a previous mood disorder, or if there is a family history of depression, anxiety, or mood disorders.

Symptoms of Postpartum Depression

Symptoms of postpartum depression vary from person to person and even from day to day:

  • A negative state lasting after the first month postpartum
  • Low self-esteem
  • Total rejection of the child
  • Continuous crying
  • Negative thoughts
  • Fear of hurting oneself or the baby
  • Insomnia
  • Constant irritability
  • Loneliness
  • Refusal to communicate or talk about what she’s feeling

Without a doubt, the highest rates of baby rejection are linked to this disorder.

Puerperal Psychosis

The most severe form of baby rejection after birth is puerperal psychosis. A recognized and serious illness, in which some women reject caring for their children, neglect breastfeeding, and, at worst, can create a dangerous situation for the baby3.Puerperal psychosis is more frequent among women who are having their first child and among younger women. Experts indicate that there are one to two cases per thousand births.It is more likely in women with a history of mood disorders. Another aggravating factor that can trigger puerperal psychosis is postpartum depression, which occurs in about 10 women per thousand births.

Symptoms of Puerperal Psychosis

The first symptoms can be confused with baby blues but soon develop into something more aggressive, such as:

  • Nonsensical speech, confusion, and disorientation
  • Outbursts of anger for no apparent reason
  • Violent behavior, such as throwing things, breaking things, and attacking those nearby
  • Rapid mood swings
  • Preoccupation with death, possibly including suicidal thoughts or suicide attempts
  • Negative thoughts about the baby, such as blaming him for how she feels or wishing he would go away

Postpartum OCD

Raising a child in a healthy environment can sometimes cause a certain tension in new mothers. This pressure can sometimes develop into obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). Postpartum OCD is not very common. About 1 to 3% of women who have a baby develop OCD. It usually begins in the first week after birth.Obsessions can be about anything but are likely to focus on the baby’s safety. For example, many women worry if the baby is breathing at night and wake up in the middle of the night to check.

Symptoms of Postpartum OCD

This may seem normal, but when repeated many times it is considered a disorder. Postpartum OCD involves ritual behaviors, such as:

  • Repetitive organizing, cleaning, and obsession with germs that could come into contact with the baby
  • Checking on the baby during the night, even just after having done so
  • Mental compulsions, such as repeating phrases to keep the baby safe
  • Spending too much time researching about the baby’s health

This obsession can cause maternal exhaustion, making the mother feel tired from having a baby, from needing to constantly care for and look out for the baby’s wellbeing. Rejection happens when the woman thinks she would not have to be so tired and worried about so many things if she had not had a child.

What Should You Do If You Notice Any of These Symptoms?

First, seek help from family, let them know something is wrong, and then start medical treatment. These conditions are treated with antidepressant and antipsychotic medications, as well as therapy with a psychologist or other mental health professional who can provide counseling.