Being a mother is an incredible experience, at any stage of life! But what about when you have children with such different ages, with a gap of 13, 15, 20, or even 30 years? What is it like to have people of such different ages living together? A pregnancy with a long gap between the children can happen due to planning1, by choice, or, in some cases, because of circumstances.

Or perhaps the couple wanted to experience the baby world again after their older children became adults or teenagers. That way, they can enjoy it more, with a more stable life or more time to dedicate to the new baby. Other times, it can happen unexpectedly, like it did with Flávia, whose story we’ll see just below.

However, there are some challenges with this age difference2. Sometimes, the older child might feel upset for losing their spot as the youngest or only child. Or, for not imagining that their mother could get pregnant again, may end up feeling embarrassed about the situation. It’s a tricky issue that time, the birth of the new baby, and lots of conversation can help resolve.

Of course, a very young baby more than makes up for all the difficulties and can easily win over the older sibling’s love. In my grandmothers’ time, it was very common to have a baby while already becoming a grandparent to the older children’s kids. Today, this is less common, but it still happens.

Some women had children very young and decided to wait a while before having another. For example, a friend had her daughter at 16, and now, at 35, decided to get pregnant again. She focused exclusively on her daughter until she turned 3, then finished her studies, college, and fully dedicated herself to her professional life. Today, after 19 years of marriage and with an 18-year-old daughter, she decided to get pregnant again to complete her happiness. Recently, while watching birth videos, I saw a woman giving birth while her older daughter was filming! I found this moment simply beautiful and you can check it out below =)

Whatever your decision, whether to wait a bit longer or not, motherhood is always a magical moment. Motherhood after several years can feel like the first time. All the symptoms and cravings can feel new, and experiencing it all again can be wonderful. Some mothers struggle to have more children after 40, like some famous actresses who have had children after age 40 or even 50. Solange Couto had her youngest child over 30 years after her first pregnancy. Her daughter Morena was 24 when she gave birth to Benjamin.

At home, it’s no different. Although the age difference isn’t that big—just 9 years between the oldest and youngest—I feel that the older one is very close to the little one. She’s her baby, her doll. She cares for, loves, and protects her a lot, as if she were her own.

But what is it really like to have children at very different ages, with such big gaps and entirely different stages? Check out the accounts from two readers about their children’s age differences: Flávia Ferreira and Anne Strapasson. See what the relationships are like between siblings of different ages.

Flávia Ferreira

“I have 2 children, Kamila, aged 18, and Arthur, aged 5. The main difficulty was adjustment; I had a jealous teenager, who lost her spot as the baby and was rebellious, going through all that adolescence brings. Arthur wasn’t planned and I got pregnant by accident. I took the morning after pill 20 minutes after sex and it didn’t work. Starting all over again was very stressful for me, as I wasn’t ready for another baby, since my daughter was enough. Nowadays, she loves him very much—they can’t live without each other, though they fight a lot.”

Anne Strapasson

“I have 2 children. A boy who is 11, and a girl who is 1. The challenge is that their worlds are completely different. I watch Galinha Pintadinha while playing Call of Duty. The good part is that there’s no jealousy between them. The oldest is in love with the baby and she with him. The wait was not intentional. I lost 4 babies before having Julia. Starting all over was wonderful. I was able to do things for the baby that I couldn’t do for the oldest. My perspective is different now—my patience, and our financial situation, too. In short… I have two only children.”

No matter the age gap between your children, the difference in age, and the problems you might face with your teenage or adult kids and the new baby, everything will work out. I have seen some very complicated cases and learned that the best thing to do is talk it out and let things settle down. Nothing like time to resolve everything. Now, if the pregnancy is celebrated, then really enjoy it! Being the older sibling is wonderful. It’s an opportunity to get a taste of what it’s like to become a mother or father. When it’s their turn, their experience and practice will be the best possible.

See also: Breastfeeding Initial Difficulties and Solutions

Photo: driki