Ah, that anxiety when it comes to getting pregnant. So how can you control this anxiety to try to conceive more calmly? I’ve already mentioned in a post about my own life trying to get pregnant that I tried for a long time; I still consider myself a hopeful, and in this world of women trying to conceive, what I saw most was the pregnant world around all of us who were trying. But do you know how to control anxiety? On Reader’s Day, I spoke with psychologist Natália Melleiro and she gave some tips on how to keep anxiety in check when trying to get pregnant.
“Months… years of trying and nothing happens!
The doctor says everything is fine with the couple. Test results are okay. You track ovulation, basal temperature, ovulation tests, cervical mucus, everything is all set, intercourse on the right day, symptoms appear, hope is renewed and… NOTHING! The “monthly visitor” shows up and you’re totally frustrated. In the middle of all this, families and friends start asking about a baby—after all, you’ve been married for a while and it’s ‘time’ you got pregnant. And, at this moment, you feel like the villain in your own story, after all, you’re the one who isn’t getting pregnant. Among so many comments and opinions, one makes you pause and think: “Your anxiety is getting in the way!” And then comes the question: How can I be different? What can I do to be less anxious? Will controlling my anxiety make things easier?”
The desperate urge to get pregnant makes most women change their routines, their focus, their thoughts and, above all, their way of feeling and seeing the world. Exaggeration? Not at all. Anyone who has been in this struggle knows exactly what I am talking about. It’s impossible to think of anything else. Pregnant bellies appear everywhere, babies are everywhere. The whole world seems to be getting pregnant—and with ease. You spend hours and hours searching for tips on how to get pregnant, on ovulation day, your husband can’t “fail”, the annoying cousin got pregnant…
Anyway, it really feels like the world is against you! What we fail to realize is that, by changing your routine and bringing the attempts to conceive to the main stage of your life, you stop being your own priority and start coming second place—even to yourself. That definitely does not do you any good! Anxiety has taken over and invariably, its consequences end up affecting you in ways you don’t even notice. This “anxiety” throws your hormones off balance, and it’s no wonder that many women start having irregular cycles after they decide to get pregnant.
Anxiety also alters the vaginal pH, making the vagina more acidic. An acidic vagina kills sperm and, without them to fertilize the egg, nothing happens. If, by chance, sperm manage to overcome vaginal acidity and the state of physical tension (we get tense, we release adrenaline) and succeed in fertilizing the egg, anxiety can still prevent the pregnancy from progressing. We could spend hours discussing here the harm that anxiety causes in the life of a woman trying to conceive. The barriers that anxiety creates go way beyond the emotional; they also trigger physical and hormonal reactions. So, at this moment, you are your own biggest enemy, your biggest barrier. After all, it’s not the world that is against you!
Telling you to drink passionfruit juice won’t solve your problem. It’s easy to say; everyone says it. The challenge is learning to control your emotions. We can’t change your story or your feelings, but we can show you some easier paths with a few simple tips:
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Avoid telling others that you’re trying to get pregnant, because once people know they will ask, and that ends up being just one more source of pressure.
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Avoid negative thoughts like “everyone gets pregnant except me”, “I don’t think I’ll ever manage”, “I’m going to give up”.
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Take up a hobby, do some regular activity—it helps to shift your focus and lets you spend some pleasant hours doing something you enjoy. Doing activities helps you relax—a therapeutic massage, a good book, chatting with friends, dancing, a trip to the mall…
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Make yourself the priority. Take time for yourself, take care of yourself, care for the woman who lives inside you.
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Be fully present—body, mind, and soul—in your relationship with your partner. Give yourself to the moment, leave all other worries for later.
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Have fun together without pressure!
I know, it’s very hard not to connect one thing to the other, but we have to try. Having fun together means going out, enjoying a movie, traveling—in short, making the most of your relationship, which can get really shaken by all this pressure.
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Talk to your husband, share this moment with him, listen to how he feels, use this to unite yourselves more, because this phase isn’t just about the woman—it’s about the couple. The stronger you are together, the easier it will be to get through this.
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Talk to your doctor about herbal remedies for controlling anxiety.
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Try to avoid stressful situations and reduce those you do face every day.
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Exercise! Physical activities release endorphins that create feelings of wellbeing and happiness. Besides being good for your health, they help relieve tension and stress.
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Learn to breathe better—deep breathing, filling your lungs inhaling through your nose and exhaling strongly through your mouth—helps a lot, especially in those times of crisis when you just can’t relax at all.
Eat well, in a healthy way, avoid too much sugar, fried foods, and caffeine. At this time, it can also be a good idea to look after your diet, because these foods, besides contributing to weight gain, make us more restless. Regular checkups with your doctor and asking your questions is always important. Feeling accompanied and supported is also essential at times like these.
It’s not easy, we know that! But it’s necessary for things to happen as naturally as possible. Do your part and allow nature to do hers! Good luck!”
Dr. Natália Melleiro Sampaio Psychologist – CRP: 06/114345 Contact Email: [email protected]
See also: Misadventures of a master Hopeful—trying to get pregnant
Photo: Rosa Pomar
