Yes, trying to conceive is tough! As if wanting a baby so much wasn’t enough, anxiety often shows up to make things harder. As time goes by, it only gets worse for women trying to conceive, because it’s an agony that seems endless—the more anxious we get, the further away pregnancy feels. But being a woman trying to conceive isn’t just about suffering the lack of a positive result; there are good parts to the process too—and this is exactly where husbands, partners, or boyfriends play an active role. The part involving sex.
What not every woman trying to conceive realizes is that sometimes the relationship can become forced, turning into something automatic just to get pregnant, and often, women only have sex during their fertile window, forgetting the best part of a relationship— and of trying to conceive— love and the moments together. Recently, among the many emails I get every day, I received a heartfelt message from a trying-to-conceive husband. Through her, I read in just a few lines something my own husband once told me when I was still part of the trying-to-conceive group.
Do we women trying to conceive realize that our husbands suffer too? Can a relationship scheduled only for pregnancy be negatively affecting the couple? It’s not always that men only get the best part of things— they can also find it difficult during the journey of trying to get their wife or partner pregnant. These are questions worth asking ourselves. Most of us women want everything yesterday, and so obsessed with reaching the goal of getting pregnant fast, we often forget that on the other side of the relationship, there’s another person who can be directly affected by so much desire and, let’s be honest, sometimes obsession with getting pregnant.
This is when the husbands of women trying to conceive suffer. How do they deal with the pressure of having to have sex, make love, or ‘date’ on scheduled days for cycle after cycle? As much as both want a baby, sometimes the pressure to get pregnant can become stronger than the couple’s love and then… Is forcing sex just to get pregnant the ideal? No matter how much chemistry the couple has in and out of bed, this pressure can absolutely affect the husband or partner— and a lot!
Imagine the stress of seeing your loved one frustrated once again with another cycle gone by and no sign of pregnancy. Daily life situations can make ‘baby-making’ harder for couples trying to conceive. There’s daily stress, all the demands of work, bills, and every other duty we have to deal with. That’s why it’s important for women to truly consider if their husband doesn’t feel like having sex that day, even if you’re ovulating. It might not seem fair, but thinking about your husband’s side is also a gesture of love— and if you want to have a child with him, it’s because you love him, isn’t it?
Do Husbands of Women Trying to Conceive Understand the Situation?
Sometimes the connection between the couple is very strong and both share the same intensity in wanting to be parents, but that’s not always the case. So how can ‘baby-making’ feel less pressured for couples trying to conceive? Adding more spice to your relationship is a great tip— do you know how many online sex shops and lingerie stores there are? Tons! #protip. Try different places and make love whenever you feel like it—forgetting whether tomorrow will be your most fertile day. Why wait for tomorrow to have sex if you feel like it today, right now? Go ahead and enjoy the desire of the moment—those are the moments that make the most beautiful babies in the world, born from true love between a couple.
There’s also the situation for couples trying to conceive who already have children. You can’t always have sex when you feel like it, or even at the right times. Parents know what I mean… Kids seem to sense when your fertile window is coming and want to stick close, as if there’s no tomorrow! lol It’s not their fault, of course, but having kids— especially at certain ages, whether they’re super attached or not— can really make a difference when trying to give them a little brother or sister. Picture this: you and your husband are in the mood and, suddenly, just at that moment, your child wakes up and cries. So you pause to take care of them and, afterwards, it’s not always easy to get back in the mood, especially for couples who are already exhausted from careers and daily duties. So, dear couples trying, try to make love whenever the opportunity arises, and if it doesn’t, create one! Leave your child with grandma, an aunt, godmother, friend, neighbor, or whoever is willing to help out— just for two or three hours— and go have some couple time.
No blaming each other, no accusations… And to the husbands of women trying to conceive: know that this may be the most frustrating period in a woman’s life. The urgent desire to have a baby inside can change your partner’s behavior, but remember— ups and downs are normal and they’re only temporary. Nothing beats one day after another with lots of understanding to improve the situation. More patience, much more love, and less anxiety are the keys to everything. Couples, don’t forget to keep your tests up to date and good luck to all couples trying to conceive!
See also: Adventures of a Master Trainer – Trying to Get Pregnant
Photo: Adam Foster
