For those who have just discovered Famivita, you might not realize how crazy, really crazy I was when I was living the life of a woman trying to conceive. I was an anxious TTCer, full of doubts and sometimes irresponsible with my reckless actions. It’s funny how the trying-to-conceive life imprisons us in such a way that we can’t even act, think, or breathe in another environment without trying for a baby being one of the most talked about topics! I used to hope that a friend would talk to me about pregnancy, so I could pour out my anguish and feel I wasn’t alone on this TTC journey.
I confess that all the whys lingered in my mind, just as they do for anyone still trying to conceive. The struggle and the wait for those who want to get pregnant can become a real torture for some women. But in the end, I learned to turn that frustration into strength to keep going with the attempts and countless tries!
Some magic or miracle? No, dear friends, I simply learned that suffering in advance only makes the journey and the TTC life worse. I had already suffered more than many women could handle. Too many times I gave up on trying to get pregnant again. There were times when I couldn’t even bear to hear about it, and here I open my heart to you: I cried when a woman close to me said she was expecting a baby. I asked God if that was a punishment. What was I doing wrong that I could not get pregnant?
The pain of knowing that other people could get pregnant while you were still waiting for your turn may seem absurd, but for anyone living the TTC life, it’s real and perfectly understandable. Who hasn’t felt a twinge of envy for the newest pregnant woman? I confess, it happened to me countless times. Even though I was happy for that friend who had just gotten her positive, I’m human! We feel hurt, truly wounded… But you know, that feeling passes, trust me.
Being a TTCer is not easy
Even though I did everything right, kept all my tests up to date, the positive just seemed like it would never come. Time passed by, cruel and fast, taking a bit of my hopes for the TTC life with it. The frustration and pain got so strong that I couldn’t even look at my computer anymore, as that was where most of my fertility tracking was.
But I got through all of that—and it wasn’t easy, but I think withstanding so many negatives made me stronger in such a way that they didn’t affect me as much as they used to. Before I toughened up to all those negatives, I would bleed. The wound was too deep, but it healed. No matter how great the pain of not having had my turn yet was. My time to bear a child hadn’t come, but the pain always passed—one way or another, it passed. The pain turned into hope for a new beginning.
The wait consumed me with every negative cycle and waiting became routine for me. Knowing there were other women in the same situation helped me cope with some of the anxiety I felt, but the tests were always part of my life. In the midst of so much frustration, I found comfort in dear friends who supported me. Things went on and on, and eventually it became natural—the anguish wasn’t so great anymore, and then one beautiful day, as if by magic, the positive arrived! It came full of pains, cramps, and uncertainties. It was my turn—I was expecting a baby! I’m sure many women have felt how I felt before, dying to be in someone else’s place. Out of respect for my TTC friends, I kept quiet so that my pregnancy wouldn’t seem like an affront to them, after all that’s exactly how I felt when I was still trying and someone else came along with their positive test.
But the life of a TTCer wasn’t just negative feelings! Despite the pain of waiting, it was so good to meet people and make friends who are still with me today. Through my suffering, I found true friends who welcomed me as family, and if I hadn’t gone through all I did, this space wouldn’t exist—a place to help so many women who have the same questions I once had. Coping with the pain of waiting isn’t always easy, but try to turn the frustration of a negative into motivation for new cycles to come with more hope. It’s not always easy, but I completely understand. There’s no magic or trick to get through this TTC phase unscathed, but there is faith—and that should never leave the stage. I’m happy I can help my fellow TTCers and know that you are not alone. You can always count on me!
See also: The Adventures of a Master TTCer and Trying-to-Conceive Anxiety – What to Do About It When The Time Comes To Be a Mother?
