During this period, it’s normal for the topic of sex and pregnancy to become a taboo for some couples, who, due to certain fears, let their sex life cool off. Many couples, worried about hurting the baby, prefer to put aside their desires and wait for the baby’s arrival. Others see sex and pregnancy as something exciting, more pleasurable, and even a great way to diversify their relationship, and many women experience increased libido during this time due to hormonal changes, making their sex life even hotter than usual.

Nowadays, it’s natural to see a man feeling “pregnant” along with his partner, more than before, which leads him to be more involved in the pregnancy as a whole, from routine check-ups to exams. During visits to the obstetrician, many men take the opportunity to ask questions, understand their fears, and even overcome them. That’s why it is very important for fathers to participate and be involved throughout the pregnancy, so the couple can have a healthier and more enjoyable life together during the 9 months—free from unnecessary fears.

Fears and Concerns

Regarding the fear of hurting the baby, parents should relax because the baby is surrounded by amniotic fluid and there is no possibility of hurting the baby unless the sexual act is extremely rough. New positions can improve sex, allowing the couple to discover new ways to be intimate without feeling uncomfortable during pregnancy.

In cases where the pregnant woman has placenta previa, risk of miscarriage, or even a history of miscarriages, the obstetrician will advise refraining from sex for a period until the risk has passed. After that, just avoid excessive intensity and return to normal sexual activity. There are some sexual positions that are easier during the pregnancy period, where the size of the belly is less of a bother, such as:

Recommended Sexual Positions

  • Doggy style: In this position, the man does not put his body weight on the woman’s belly, keeping it free and allowing him to control penetration. Generally, women can use this position until the end of the second trimester, when the belly becomes a bit heavier.
  • Spoon: This is one of the calmest positions for pregnant women, from the first to the third trimester, as the belly will always be supported on the bed. The man stays behind the woman, controlling penetration without putting any weight on her body.
  • Sitting: Not all women feel comfortable with this position, but here, she controls the intensity of penetration, keeping the belly free and without any pressure.

There are thousands of other positions and ways for couples to be satisfied during this time—just feel secure and explore together, without fear. For less confident couples, masturbation and oral sex are also great options so the relationship doesn’t cool off during this period. Ask your obstetrician all your questions and enjoy happiness during all 9 months of pregnancy.

Sex After Childbirth

The baby’s birth changes the couple’s dynamic. New tasks are learned and new roles assumed within the relationship. There’s a reorganization for everyone to care for the baby, a true challenge to each person’s capacity to adapt.

Changes such as a significant increase in hormonal production, estrogen and progesterone; changes in skin, hair; increased heart volume and reduced intestinal activity; enlarged abdomen and breasts, alter a woman’s perception of her body image, leading to feelings of low self-esteem, feeling physically unattractive, and even feeling unable to seduce.

Hormonal Changes

After childbirth, hormonal changes occur, such as a decrease in levels of estrogen and progesterone, and increased prolactin during breastfeeding; the reduction of the size of the uterus; as well as possible aftereffects of childbirth in the first few weeks postpartum. These changes bring women into contact with new emotions, anxieties, thoughts, and joys. The fear of losing the baby, losing her autonomy, or believing her body will never be the same, contrast with feelings of happiness and the desire and pride of becoming a mother.

The baby is a new family member, totally dependent on the attention of everyone in the family, and comes to occupy the space in the parents’ imagination and dreams. While the baby’s birth can fulfill a couple’s wish, it may also present obstacles in their relationship, such as the loss of exclusivity.

Jealousy Over the Baby

Yes, some partners feel jealous of their wives, as the woman becomes so involved with the baby that the man may feel left aside, since a new “rival” now competes for his partner’s affection. Scenes of incomprehension and jealousy can arise, leading to conflicts between partners. Thus, the couple experiences vulnerability, and sexual activity can be either a risk factor or a source of satisfaction and well-being, depending on the interaction between them.

As for sexual behavior, the couple may have a decreased sexual desire and less frequent sex, or in some cases, an increase in desire. After the baby’s first year, sexual frequency tends to be even lower than during pregnancy. Sexual interest can vary between couples.

Women tend to be more interested in affection and tenderness during pregnancy, and some partners may lose sexual interest. Sometimes, the woman may even avoid her partner. Some women may experience pain and discomfort during penetration, which may reduce their motivation for sexual activity.

Others may find their sexual satisfaction increases after childbirth. The fact is that cultural aspects, personal psychological experiences, and the way women process bodily changes will influence erotic desire.

Adapting to the New Routine

The factors that contribute to reduced sexual desire and frequency are: the difficulty adapting to new parental roles; the stress of change and the emotions associated with the baby’s birth; the lack of attention between the couple; the way the woman deals with her body image; and the hormonal changes in her body.

The most common sexual dysfunction in the postpartum period is pain during intercourse, especially in first-time mothers. It is important for the couple to understand the psychological and physical changes during this phase of life, to consider their difficulties and emotions, and to respect their limits.

Professional Help

Psychological and educational interventions with a professional in sexual health, counseling that encourages open conversation between the couple about the difficulties and myths during this period, about their sexual needs and expectations, is an excellent opportunity for a greater understanding of the couple’s sexuality.

By Dr. Mirian Lopes, Psychologist specialized in human sexuality. Bachelor/Licensed in Psychology from UNIP. Postgraduate in Human Sexuality from the Faculty of Medicine, University of São Paulo – FMUSP.
Office: Rua Silvia, 383, Cerqueira Cesar, São Paulo
Tel: (11)3262.1447 WhatsApp: (11)9-6609.7313 email: [email protected] and also check out Dr. Mirian’s website by clicking here

See also: Tips for Spicing Up the Relationship – Sex Educator Debora Pádua

Photo: Steve