The topic of teenage dating is something that I always thought I would be open-minded about and prepared enough to handle when my daughters reached adolescence, but I realized I wasn’t when it was my turn. I was forced to see that I lost a part of the control, their desires can no longer be controlled as we did when they were younger. Desires start to arise, their will becomes stronger, and what we think is best for them won’t be listened to as it was before.
We carry our little baby for 9 months, we raise them, educate them, dedicate ourselves, and give them our best, and in return they grow up so fast, why is that? Suddenly hormones start to bubble, curiosity appears, and the dating talk comes up. Welcome to adolescence1!
Nowadays, teenage dating has become so trivialized, it’s lost the “charm” it had in the past when couples dated through little letters and secret notes, got to know each other, were enchanted by each other, looked at each other with love without even touching. Today, everything is out in the open, teenagers “hook up,” kiss, exchange affection publicly and go all the way as if it’s the most natural thing in the world and change partners instantly. The big truth is that teenage dating is becoming a thing of the past, now it’s all about “hooking up with everyone” and not being tied to just one partner.
Some — or I could unfortunately say a large majority — of teenagers, due to the lack of parental guidance, advice, and direction, end up leaving behind this phase that should be full of fun and discovery, for a prematurely adult life. Because of the lack of guidance, teenage dating often becomes a pre-marriage, and what should be a simple issue turns serious, with risks including a possible and undesired pregnancy.
Tips for Dealing with Teenage Dating
That’s why I advise all parents to talk more with their children, to be alert to what’s happening around them. Be aware of who they’re getting involved with, after all, in adolescence they think they’re superheroes, invincible, and that everything can only happen to others, never to them, and parental supervision is essential at every age. Giving freedom doesn’t mean letting go of the reins and allowing them to do whatever they want. It’s possible to give freedom while setting limits and rules, since teenagers are still building their character and often act without understanding the consequences.
Parents of boys should pay attention to the advice they give, especially about supporting teenage dating, and avoid reinforcing sexist impulses, such as telling them they should “hook up with as many girls as possible.” Boys should be raised to respect girls and treat them with dignity and courtesy, the time when boys should be raised to be sexist and girls’ mothers had to hold them back is over. Respect and manners should be taught to both sexes. Prepare yourself psychologically and with information, and have a conversation about sexuality, about relationships2, explain the risks, be honest, and provide as much security as possible on the subject and share your point of view. They may not follow everything we say to the letter, but at least they’ll know your opinion about certain subjects and will think before they act for sure.
Being friends with your children is essential; besides creating a healthy relationship between parents and children, they will feel safer to share something, ask questions, or even seek advice. Avoid forbidding things, as that will make them do things in secret, and the problem could become even more serious. Try to guide them in the best way possible so they can go through this phase peacefully and calmly — if it’s even possible for us parents to get through this teenage dating phase with that feeling.
See also: Teenage Pregnancy and the Difficulties I Went Through – Mônica
Photo: Pedro Ribeiro Simões
