Doctor, When I realized I was expecting a baby, I felt life was blossoming in the most blessed way possible in my life. So that this moment can happen peacefully, we always look for some angels, OB-GYNs that God has placed on earth for this purpose, to help a new life come into the world healthy and to make sure everything goes well for both mother and baby.
But Doctor, lately there are so many professionals who ruin this beautiful moment… Besides bad professionals who care much more about the money they’ll receive for the procedure than the health of their patient. There is a huge gap in compatibility and respect for ideas about how the birth will happen, so trust is being broken more and more every day.
There are so many misunderstandings between moms and doctors, no matter how trustworthy the professional may seem. I’ve noticed there’s always a misalignment of ideas and this can end up impacting the trust relationship between patient and OB-GYN. Why does it have to be this way? For me, the ideal is to make your gynecologist your best friend, especially in the final stretch of pregnancy, when we are most vulnerable and fragile!
Whenever we need help and some comfort, Doctor, we look for that security in the doctors who are with us, this safe harbor where we want to rest and place into your hands what is most precious to us. Birth is a unique event and we want to be surrounded by love and understanding, not just a cold and professional environment, chilly and totally lacking human warmth. Care and kindness at this moment are essential assets, providing comfort, coziness, and even adding a touch of magic to the occasion.
Humanity has been forgotten, especially in public hospitals, where even in vaginal births, they insist on tying up the laboring woman and also cutting the perineum without the consent of the one giving birth! There is a lack of humanity in many cases—but above all, there is a lack of passion for the profession that many (not all, but a large part of doctors today) choose for its financial return. The famous “cesareanists” may forgive me, but coaxing a woman into an unnecessary cesarean is, for me, proof of profiteering.
You know Doctor, I think that’s why this wave of home births has grown so much and the banner of humanized birth has been so strongly raised and embraced by so many women. This is proof of how much mothers miss feeling protected and respected by the professional they’ve chosen for this beautiful moment. Without due respect for the choice of birth method by which her child will come into the world, without the power to choose or have an active voice about any procedures that will happen during this birth.
In the end, Doctor, what we really want is to have a successful birth, with an unforgettable and as healthy as possible birth experience! To be able to hold the baby as soon as they are born, to see, to feel, and to love the baby from the very first moment out of the belly. To be able to nurse as soon as they come into my arms… Humanity is missing during childbirth and unfortunately, this journey still seems far from over. Whose responsibility is it, what will it take, for respect and care regarding the woman’s choices to exist again? Is it fair to force a surgery upon a woman who is in perfect health to have the natural birth she always dreamed of, without even trying?
I agree that a successful birth is one where both mother and baby are happy and healthy, but there’s a lack of compassion and too much professional egocentrism when the goal is to save time. What is best for mother and baby should be the only thing considered 100% of the time, but this does not mean it always has to be a forced elective C-section, or even a harsh normal birth, where the mother is tied down throughout labor.
All it takes is to stop and think for a moment, to put yourself in the husband’s place or better yet, in the place of the woman who has waited 9 months for this moment. What does she want? That one question is enough to make birth as human as possible, respecting all wishes and the limitations imposed by the woman’s health—or when in perfectly healthy conditions.
It’s up to us women to choose the ideal doctor and demand that those who don’t respect this moment change their minds and start taking each woman’s wishes into account. Cheers to the good professionals! To the bad ones, my condolences… If you don’t love the obstetric-gynecology profession and you’re only in it for comfort and money and not for love, I respectfully suggest you consider another specialty. Every form of birth and delivery is valid, what’s important is the respect with which it’s performed. To humanize childbirth, we must first humanize the professionals involved.
Thank you for everything Doctor, and I hope the next birth will be as humanized as possible.
Patricia Amorim, mom of 3—2 necessary c-sections and 1 unnecessary, but by medical imposition, and still grateful to have found in my third delivery an excellent professional who helped make everything work, despite preeclampsia.
See also: The Third C-Section – Birth Story
Photos: Daniel Lobo, SantaRosa OLD SKOOL
