Sometimes that fear hits… What if I can’t get pregnant? What woman who is trying or who deeply longs to become a mother hasn’t felt bad and plagued by these questions that just won’t stop echoing in her head? But did you know that the fear of not being able to get pregnant can bring real harm during this phase? I myself was really afraid I wouldn’t be able to get pregnant again. Even though I already had one or two children, the second or third time I tried, deep down I felt desperate not to succeed. And then I imagine those who don’t have any children! What must those women think? How do they deal with all this inner conflict and sometimes even outside pressure from people demanding a pregnancy?
The fact is, the waiting and the fear of not being able to get pregnant become a shadow in a woman’s life. Many times it’s years of trying without any success, and for other women, pregnancy does happen — but then a miscarriage or some other problem cuts that joy short. Sometimes I thought that I didn’t have the right to feel sad and anxious about a second or third pregnancy. I felt bad for wanting it so much and pushing myself so hard, in the same way or even more than a woman who has no children. Was that fair? After all, I had two beautiful children and still pressured myself about having a third.
What Are the Stages of the Fear of Not Getting Pregnant?
The stages of the fear of not getting pregnant are pretty much the same for all women who deeply want a baby. First comes optimism! The first cycle of trying is the easiest for most women, but once time starts to pass, we begin to fear it won’t happen soon. After the initial stage, around the 3rd or 5th cycles of trying, we start to think that something must be wrong. After all, we should have gotten pregnant by now, it’s already been 5 cycles! Then, the stage of anguish begins. Every fertile window becomes a festival of pressure on your husband, making sure you don’t miss a single fertile day. The fear of missing ovulation that cycle torments even the calmest women.
After the stage of anguish, two things can happen: optimism returns, or depression sets in. Who hasn’t felt weak and powerless after another cycle that didn’t work out? Somehow, we find the strength to keep going. For some women, taking a break is the answer. That’s when the fear of a negative and also the fear of not getting pregnant is completely pushed out of the mind, at least for a few cycles. I actually think it’s crucial that we give ourselves this break. When attempts go beyond 12 cycles or 1 year, the exhaustion from all that waiting is heavy on the shoulders. That’s why for some, it’s time to pause or start a new phase as a hopeful mom-to-be: a series of medical tests.
Depending on the doctor supporting you through this stage, emotions can vary from couple to couple. The physician can either encourage or frighten you, and it’s up to the woman or couple to seek a second opinion. Some doctors do not give the proper guidance, which can confuse the woman or couple even more. So don’t hesitate — weren’t treated the way you deserved or expected? Find another doctor until you find one who helps you reach a positive result with confidence and patience. Trust me: a good professional makes all the difference.
But how about your mental health in all this? We have to learn to manage it — there’s no other way. Some women are better able to handle this question. Others need a little more help! That’s when a psychologist can make such a difference… If you can’t see a professional, then connect with women going through the same situation! They’ll truly understand you and will not judge you even if you feel bad when a friend gets pregnant without even trying.
What’s the best solution? Stop and breathe! There’s no use spending the whole day thinking you might never get pregnant. When in doubt, roll up your sleeves and get to work! There are many procedures that will let your doctor determine if anything’s wrong. Remember, both partners should be checked. You with hormonal tests, an ultrasound, and he with hormone tests and a semen analysis. Is everything okay? Then it’s just a matter of calculating your fertile window and making love with lots of affection. Get an unexpected diagnosis? It’s time to hit the brakes and get treatment! Also remember, not a leaf falls from a tree unless God allows it, and when the right time comes, nothing can stop your pregnancy from happening.
Faith, focus, strength, and lots of courage! These are powerful weapons against the fear of not being able to get pregnant! Remember, here at Trocando Fraldas, you’ll always find support when you need it!
Also see: Fear of a Negative Pregnancy Test – Trying to Conceive Problems
Photo: Torsten Mangner
