When we are younger, we always think about becoming mothers, and the nerves hit even harder when it’s about being a mother for the first time. We imagine names, the moment, the circumstances in which the positive test will come, how the news will be… In short, we keep imagining and idealizing a perfect situation where everything is like a fairy tale. But what if that’s not the case? What if a problem or even a hidden infertility appears when you want to become a mother for the first time? How do you deal with the feelings of someone trying to conceive in such a delicate phase of a woman’s life?
At first, your mind can work in your favor because, initially, we are calm and optimistic that everything will work out, then the months go by, and then that enemy for so many women can appear. You know anxiety? Yes, it can take our nerves to a terrible state and, at that point, becoming a mother for the first time can feel like a very complicated mission.
Top of the list are anxiety and nervousness for those wanting to become a mother for the first time. Only someone who is trying can know what it’s like to go through cycle after cycle thinking about that long-awaited positive, and it seems like it never arrives! That’s why trying to stay calm and as relaxed as possible can even help you ovulate more easily, did you know? Why do so many couples manage to get pregnant after an adoption or when they don’t even want to have children—is it unfair? We see so many cases of people abandoning their babies, throwing them away, while we, who so desperately want a child of our own, a piece of us to call our child, can’t manage it at all—why is that? What problems, besides psychological ones, could be associated with this delay in pregnancy?
What physical problems might we face when deciding to become a mother for the first time?
Fertility problems, when they show up, are complicated to deal with at first. These problems can make us feel defeated and even incapable, especially if the issue is something more severe like endometriosis or hydrosalpinx, for example. Most of the time, we don’t even know these problems exist, and when we decide to get pregnant and run some tests, this bombshell drops on us.
Anyone trying to conceive knows very well what it’s like to feel anxious in this moment, that of wanting to be a mother for the first time and nothing is working out, sometimes things even get worse with the discovery of previously unknown problems. The important thing is to understand that not everything may go as we imagined or planned, and that regardless of any problem that might arise at this important time, it should be faced naturally and with a lot of determination.
One of the most common issues faced by women wanting to become mothers for the first time is polycystic ovaries. This is certainly the biggest complaint among women struggling to conceive, as it creates some difficulty in getting pregnant; polycystic ovaries can prevent conception simply by limiting ovulation. They don’t necessarily prevent pregnancy, but they can delay it if not properly treated.
Another very common obstacle these days is hormonal imbalance. We know that, for ovulation to occur correctly, all hormones must be in harmony, and without that, the meeting between the sperm and egg can be quite complicated. That’s why it’s important to investigate if the first-time mother-to-be has irregular periods, and, if needed, treat them for the period recommended in order to restore ovulation.
And what about the husband—what to do when becoming a father for the first time or again?
Talking about both sides of the relationship for those trying, the supportive partner must also be checked by a doctor if the couple has been trying for over a year and nothing is happening. In some cases, the problem may lie with the man, and then, for years, the woman blames herself, feels guilty, and judges herself even though she has no problem. Since pregnancy is the result of a couple’s relationship, both should make sure everything is in order to avoid surprises or unexpected results.
For men, a semen analysis is enough to know if everything is as it should be, maybe along with some blood tests as the doctor overseeing a couple trying to conceive for the first time might request.
Some couples may also have mutual infertility. Both the man and the woman can have hormonal problems or more severe issues, and in these cases, a doctor is your best friend. Choosing a doctor isn’t always easy, but with perseverance and lots of patience, a good specialist can solve the problem or at least properly direct the couple’s fertility investigations.
Once the cause of infertility has been identified, it’s important to follow the treatment recommended by the doctor for as long as necessary. Even though the anxiety of wanting to be a mother for the first time comes knocking every day, undergoing treatment is the best thing to do. I have seen many cases of women with polycystic ovaries or who need longer treatments who resist sticking with a treatment for six months… If that’s what will solve your problem, why not do it properly? It’s better to take a break from trying and then come back with your health fully restored. Take care of yourself, get treated, and then try again—liking yourself before everything else might even bring a healthy pregnancy more quickly.
Trying to have sex during fertile days is a tip that should always be remembered, and keeping calm will help you achieve one of the greatest dreams a woman can have—becoming a mother for the first time.
See also: I Have Trouble Getting Pregnant, Now What?
Photo: John Spade
