All parents, at some stage in their child’s life, will have to face somewhat delicate situations, especially regarding children’s behavior. In some cases, these issues arise even due to the way they are dealt with since infancy, as in the case of the child who screams.
Where It All Begins
The child who screams does so because they have learned that loud shouting gives them power. For example, if they scream because they want something, parents immediately try to understand the reason for the screams, thereby giving the attention the child wanted. Sometimes, to calm them down, parents end up giving in to their requests. If this happens, the brain of the child who screams will register that the act of screaming is beneficial. In other words, the brain processes these interactions as follows: “I scream and make mom or dad focus on me!” (Which may be even better if siblings are competing for their parents’ attention). And, since the child who screams can keep up their fuss much longer than an adult can withstand, they then control the situation. When the child’s brain discovers that screaming, screaming, and screaming can bring advantages, this becomes enough incentive for them to do it all the time1. Many times, parents will find excuses to justify the screaming: “they are tired, or upset,” or “they scream because they don’t know how to talk yet!” Granted, all these reasons can be true, but it isn’t because of them that the child chooses to scream. On the contrary, they scream because it is the most powerful weapon in their arsenal. Furthermore, a child does not scream because they have not yet developed language2. When that same child is happy, they are not screaming, right? In other words, they don’t speak yet, but they communicate differently when they are happy. So, we may be encouraging screaming without even realizing it. But the good news is that if we change how we react to the child who screams, we can also change their behavior.
How to Deal with an Angry Child?
Yelling at the child to quiet them down will not help; on the contrary, it only sends the message that whoever yells the loudest wins. The best option is to avoid situations that might make the angry child scream and to redirect their attention when they begin.
Main Tips
For this, some tips can be very effective:Plan ahead before leaving the house – It’s not always possible to know what the child needs, but whenever possible, make sure they are well-rested and fed before going out.Pay attention to quiet restaurants – when parents need to take their children out for dinner, it’s important to avoid hot, intimate, or overly formal places. Instead, choose locations where other families can be found. If the child who screams starts their “show,” parents will feel less embarrassed and less likely to reinforce the behavior by calming the child down.Be patient – If the child is screaming because they are happy, try not to comment or criticize. But if it is really bothering others, lower your voice so they have to calm down to hear you.Make it a game – try to create an activity where the child who screams can vent their need to shout. Say, “Let’s scream as loudly as we can,” then join in tearing up some papers. Soon after, persuade them to lower the volume, saying: “Now let’s see who can talk the softest.” Then, as in a game, switch to other actions, like putting hands over ears or signaling silence by placing your finger over the lips. This makes screaming seem like just one of many fun things they can do. Of course, this game works best at home. If you are in public, you could try a quieter game, like saying: “Oh, you sound like a roaring lion! How about being a kitten instead?” If the child is willing to play, you can use other calm animals to imitate.Acknowledge their feelings – If the child who screams wants attention, it is important for parents to ask themselves if the child is uncomfortable or overwhelmed. In a crowded supermarket, for example, the environment may be too much for them. If you can postpone shopping and take them home, that’s great; if not, at least make the shopping trip as quick as possible. If parents notice that the child is a bit upset or irritated, acknowledge their feelings. Calmly say: “I know you want to go home, but it will only be a few more minutes and then we will leave.” Not only will the child feel comforted to know their feelings are recognized, but it will also help them learn to put their feelings into words. If they know the child is going to scream because they want to eat the cookie before checking out, the advice is: do not give in. Giving the child what they want when they scream only reinforces the behavior. Instead, explain calmly: “I know you want the cookie, but we have to finish shopping first. You can eat it as soon as we pay for it.”Keep them busy – parents can make tasks more enjoyable for the child who screams by involving them in an activity. Explaining what you are doing, what is happening around them, and who is nearby keeps the child busy observing things around them, helping them forget to scream. Parents can also ask for their help in choosing items from supermarket shelves, or, as a last resort, have a favorite toy to keep them distracted during shopping. For many parents, the hardest part of dealing with an angry, screaming child is ignoring the judgmental looks from others. But this shouldn’t be a problem since those people have been through it or will go through it someday.If you still have difficulties resolving these embarrassing situations, as well as dealing with the stress caused by an angry child, seek a child therapy specialist3 who can provide more appropriate guidance and treatment for your case. See also: Child with OCD: Signs, Causes, and Treatments Photos: David Salafia
