My first little princess, Angélica, was born in 2008. I was super happy and the pregnancy was smooth. But at 32 weeks, problems started, and I was already 3 cm dilated. I had two steroid injections and continued dilating. (The steroid injection is used to accelerate fetal lung maturity and reduces by up to 50% the chance of the baby dying when born prematurely – as well as the need for admission to the neonatal ICU).

So, at 33 weeks, I was already hospitalized, feeling a mix of fear and anxiety to see my little girl. A day before reaching 34 weeks, I mentioned to the doctor that Angélica wasn’t moving like I was used to feeling. I had an ultrasound and the doctor said everything was fine with her, but she was indeed very still, and the amniotic fluid was below normal, so to prevent any issues, the obstetrician decided to do the delivery the next day. I was already 6 cm dilated. I didn’t sleep that night out of so much joy and fear, since she would be premature and I knew absolutely nothing about premature babies or how to be a mother to one.

I stopped taking the medications to see if labor would start, but the dilation remained the same and nothing happened. Then I had a C-section, which went very smoothly, and on 10/16/2008 at 2:36 pm, I experienced true love. I cried a lot! My princess Angélica was born at 34 weeks, 2.140 kg and 44 cm. To everyone’s surprise, she did not need to stay in the NICU, and as I had anemia, the obstetrician arranged for me to stay hospitalized with her as a kangaroo mom. It was wonderful to be able to stay close to her. During those hospital days, I heard incredible stories of premature babies recovering in the hospital.

And my only worry was to give love and security to my princess. After 16 days, we were discharged and it was an endless relief. Unfortunately, I couldn’t breastfeed, but Angie is a beautiful, healthy and very clever child. Angie made me a MOTHER and a warrior, and I thank my princess for all these years of pure passion, magnificent devotion, and endless love.

Second Birth – Ananda’s Birth

My second little princess, Ananda, was born in 2011. It was a much-loved pregnancy, but a stressful one, as I was very afraid she would also be premature. And it took me a while to find an obstetrician who gave me all the confidence I was looking for. That’s when, on a friend’s recommendation, I found a wonderful doctor. I told him how my first pregnancy went, how I felt scared, he reassured me, explained a lot of things and I had some tests done. And I found out I have cervical incompetence (CIC). But I was already at a gestational age where the risk of performing a cerclage was very high.

So I had a tense pregnancy all the way through, I was very afraid. I had to rush several times to the emergency room recommended by my obstetrician, I had heavy bleeding and was dilating more each time. At 24 weeks, I was already 6 cm dilated and had already started losing my mucus plug. But thank God, things held steady for a long time. But on the day of my baby shower, I was already feeling a bit unwell, but I stayed quiet during the shower, being pampered. By the end of the shower, I was in a lot of body pain, had a headache, so I went to the maternity emergency room, and something told me I would be staying there! The doctor on call examined me and admitted me right away.

The dilation hadn’t changed, but I had heavy bleeding. I was 30 weeks along and was hospitalized, very scared. But my family being nearby kept me calm and comfortable. I stayed in bed all the time, only got up to take a quick shower. Then my doctor said I could stretch my legs a bit. My eldest daughter had come to visit, we played a little on the bed, and when I went to the bathroom, my water broke. I was in shock and very nervous.

Angie even joked, ‘you’re not supposed to pee on the floor,’ just to break that tense atmosphere, and I was very grateful that she and my mother were there to calm me down. In a few minutes, I was in the obstetric center, but still not in labor. When my doctor arrived, he asked that I be taken back to the room, and I would continue on antibiotics for two more days and if I didn’t go into labor, we would induce it. And that’s what happened.

After two days, I went back to the obstetric center. My obstetrician talked to me a lot and told me it would be much better to have a vaginal birth. I was pretty scared; after all, I’d always heard that after a C-section, having a vaginal birth was dangerous. But he explained everything to me, said it would be better for me, I’d recover faster and be ready for the NICU routine and for little Ananda as well, because she would breathe better. I spent an hour with oxytocin in my vein and was taken to the operating room, since as she was premature, it was the safest place.

Push, push, breathe, scream, yell… Breathe, stop, push, yell… she made her passage and completed my world! She was born quickly, and even though I was scared, I found the experience of having a vaginal birth and helping my little one come into the world wonderful. I was so afraid, but when she cried out loudly, it felt as if everything in the world made sense again. But I confess I was scared by her size and fragility.

My little princess Ananda was born at 1:26 am at 31 weeks, 1.500 kg and 38 cm, and went straight to the NICU. I had to wait until 8 am to be with her, it was torture! The first time I entered the NICU and saw that tense atmosphere was very shocking, but I soon got used to it as the nurses and pediatricians made the environment much lighter and all the mothers really supported each other with comforting words.

When I saw my little princess so tiny inside the incubator I cried a lot, it was a mix of fear because she was so fragile, happiness because she was okay, and sadness because I couldn’t hold her close. The happiest moment was our first kangaroo care, it was beautiful and moving. I was finally able to hold her and warm her in my arms. But the anxiety of those days was endless. Ananda had ups and downs, would forget to breathe, went to the step-down unit and back to the NICU, lost weight, but the faith of preemie mothers is unshakable! In the beginning, I was able to ‘breastfeed’, I pumped at the milk bank and she was able to have my milk during her stay. It was just for a short time, but it made me less frustrated.

After 46 days, my little warrior was discharged. It was hard, but the happiness of my little one being well makes up for everything. Today she is beautiful, healthy, and has one of the strongest personalities! Oh, hours before the delivery, I decided to change her name to Ananda, which means extreme happiness, and it couldn’t be more fitting. My two little warriors taught me to be patient and to believe that everything happens in its own time. And, of course, they make me the happiest woman in the world!

See also: Regiane’s Birth Story – The Dream Birth

Photos: Personal Collection