The other day I caught myself thinking, what have I gained from being someone trying to conceive? For those who still don’t know, a “tentante” is a woman who really wants to get pregnant, and perfects her life and menstrual cycle for the sake of that dream. Being a “tentante” is a state of mind, as I’ve said a few times, and also means being a warrior in search of her goal: the greatest love one can feel, becoming a mother! But in all these years of trying, what have I noticed became a villain or a hero in the life of someone who wants to have a baby?
Anxiety: It skyrockets! Especially in cases where those trying already had trouble handling it. Anxiety can become the greatest villain when it comes to pregnancy and fertility. Contrary to what many think, emotions can indeed get in the way of hormonal cycles. Imagine that a very anxious woman might have a delayed period! Reason: emotional causes—and this is more common than we imagine.
Neurosis: A woman who monitors her cycle can become a bit neurotic! Yes, she might start feeling things that aren’t there, imagining she’ll never be able to get pregnant… These are thoughts that make a woman much more distressed than usual (and yes, it’s normal to feel anxious at this stage), and can worsen anxiety.
Impact on your relationship: When there is a strong urge to get pregnant, having sex only on fertile days can put your marriage or relationship at risk! Saving intimacy only for the fertile period is very common among those trying to conceive, but remember: the pursuit of pregnancy should never interfere so much with the couple’s sex life. Sexual intimacy should be maintained even for couples trying to conceive.
Obsession: In addition to a goal, pregnancy can also become an obsession! Living just for that can affect your mood and daily activities. Of course, anything in excess is bad, so getting distracted, thinking about other things really helps with getting pregnant. The old saying, “An idle mind is the devil’s workshop,” is true, so doing physical activities, trying a delicious dish to please your husband, or even keeping your mind occupied with a good book can make a big difference for those trying to conceive.
The Pros of Life as Someone Trying to Conceive!
Now, the bright side! It’s like a bat that bites its victim and then blows on it to ease the pain! LOL. Being someone trying to conceive has more pros than cons! Life isn’t so bad, it’s all about balance, right?! So here are the good things about this stage.
Romance: Is there anything better than making love with someone you love? This, most certainly, is the best part of trying to conceive! When intimacy is full of passion, it really helps with conception during the fertile window. Sexual excitement is also linked to the fertile period, but nothing beats stimulating things with good foreplay. Unhurried sex—and why not the hottest and quickest? Alternate according to the couple’s mood!
Knowledge: Never in my life did I learn so much about my body as when I was trying to conceive! If you’re the curious type who reads everything and searches every medical website for answers, you’re in my group. Knowledge is something that no one can ever take away from you, and the more you learn about your cycle the better! Learn to calculate your fertile window, get to know your cervical mucus and the signs your body gives—you’ll do great, I guarantee!
Friends: So many women I met during this period… I’m not sure how many exactly, but it’s a lot. All with different experiences but so similar to my own story. Some had more severe issues like endometriosis, polycystic ovaries, and severe infertility, but all united for a shared dream: to be a mom! Some have moved on, it’s true, but the friends that stayed, those are forever—and that’s priceless!
That positive result is the best and biggest reward for all the feelings we experience during the trying-to-conceive stage.Self-knowledge and faith: It’s certain that at this stage you’ll understand yourself more and better. It’s as if you experience a new way to practice your patience and realize that not everything depends on your will or is in your control. It’s a situation that we can help with, but we can’t control. Control is in the hands of the greatest and best friend: God! So relax and trust in the good guidance He will give you and also in His timing for you. What is yours is kept safe—trust! Exercise your faith and be patient…
The positive result: There’s another advantage to being someone trying to conceive, and it’s the greatest of them all: when pregnancy happens, there’s no better or bigger reward! The emotion built up over months, cycles, or even years comes out in that moment… I’m going to be a mom! The best part is shouting it to the world and sharing the news with the father in such a loving and emotional way. Only those who’ve been through it know the experience, and it’s worth every second of suffering with negative tests and false hopes.
The secret to being a balanced trying-to-conceive woman is to keep your feet on the ground. Stay calm when symptoms appear, as those little signals tend to give false hope, and also take the test at the right time. Stay calm and in control, connect as a couple and enjoy your sex life without kids yet—or, even if you already have some (like I did), it needs to be fulfilling: sex, love, affection, and dedication to the person who will share the most surprising experience of your life with you, your partner!
Join groups, visit good websites, watch videos on the topic, get informed! To help you, my friend who is trying to conceive, here are some interesting posts that will definitely help:
How to Calculate Ovulation How to Know If I Can Get Pregnant Sex on the Fertile Day 5 Tricks to Get Pregnant Position Tips
Stay strong!
Photos: Ben Raynal, Adam Piotrowski
