Ahhh, the delights and bitterness of the life of a woman obsessed with pharmacy tests! They are small pleasures and strong emotions that turn a woman who wants to get pregnant very much into an ADDICT to this kind of product. Fortunately, they’re available at pharmacies and so close at hand for so many eager and anxious women hoping for the miracle of life. Do you know someone like that? I do—and I know her very well! Myself…
Remembering my days as someone trying (actively, since I never stopped), I relive all the emotions I felt taking a test after a late period or even before it. The intense trembling I would feel when opening the little box, pulling the test strip out of the packet… My adrenaline was through the roof! It sounds like something only crazy people do, right? But for me, it was like a lost hope that was renewed in a simple strip of paper. That strip could make my long-awaited dream come true, that positive!
After almost 4 years of consecutive attempts (in total it was 7 years), I had already lost count of how many tests I’d bought, taking them on days when I knew it was impossible to see a positive. Barely 6 days after the most fertile day and there I was suffering, thinking it might satisfy my curiosity a little, even just a tiny bit, to know if the cycle had worked. Even though I tracked my basal temperature, there were days when anxiety just wouldn’t leave me alone. The itch was inevitable, and as soon as the cycle failed, I knew sooner or later it would return to bother me again.
Even with a negative in hand, sneaky hope made me see the so-called positive line. It couldn’t be—there was a line there. I refused to believe the cycle hadn’t brought me what I wanted. And when my period finally arrived, so did cruel disappointment. In that moment I blamed myself, beat myself up and asked God and the universe why this was happening to me. What had I done not to get pregnant, if that was all I wanted? But in the end, I managed to calm down and start all over again.
When the hope for a positive result was upon me, I’d spend hours analyzing the tests I’d taken. I not only kept them sorted by date, but I also made a point of taking photos and more photos to share the curiosity and hope with other women trying. Some, as positive and optimistic as I was, saw the second line just like I did, even if it wasn’t actually there. Maybe it was our crazy craving for a new thrill that day. Women who were strangers (in person) yet so united… Look at how curious the world of women trying is, getting attached just for having similar stories, for being in the same moment as someone else. Sympathizing with the feelings of sadness and hearing or reading the painfully sad words of a woman in the trying phase:
Not this time, I missed this cycle…
What Did the Pharmacy Test Addict Learn?
The fact is that the pharmacy test addict, as my dear husband affectionately nicknamed me (yes, he knew about almost all of my “test tricks”), ended up making me an expert on the subject! Imagine, I’ve been through all sorts of situations with pharmacy tests. Evaporation line, brownish line, blurred test with two lines, blurred test without a line, only the test line showing, only the control, horizontal line, vertical line, even dotted lines. There are so many types of lines that analyzing them together with so many friends who were trying also became a hobby. Based on this, I created a pregnancy test gallery here on TF.
I came to the conclusion that the best test isn’t always the most expensive one. Also, that the brand doesn’t always mean much. The best tests are really those that are reliable due to their quality and also don’t repeatedly show defects like so many (well-known) brands out there. And the most important thing I learned is when to start taking the tests. Most of the bad feelings I had during that time came exactly from all the frustration with so many negatives in my life. The problem is not taking one test or another, it’s taking them at the wrong time. So, dear friend who’s trying, if you’ve read my heartfelt words up to now, know that the best time to do the test is REALLY after your period is late.
Still, if a friend gets her positive even before her period is late, remember that every body is different, with totally unique systems, each reacting differently to the hormonal changes of pregnancy. It may take a few more days for implantation or for your HCG to rise in your body. So even if you took the test before your period was late and got a frustrating, horrific negative, wait a few more days and try again. But try not to place too much hope so you won’t be even more disappointed. The hurt is in feeling weak for being afraid you’ll never succeed, but that’s so normal… Insecurity can happen to anyone, especially at such a sensitive time as desperately wanting a baby. What did I learn during all my days trying? Want it a lot, but manage your hopes so you won’t cause an emotional earthquake when things go against your expectations.
Live one day at a time…
See also: The Adventures of a Master Trying – Trying to Get Pregnant
Photos: Provided by readers
