Whoever says that a mother is a perfect being is definitely not telling the truth! A mother is a woman, a human being, with good days and bad days, bad moods and good moods, days of joy and days of fury. Even if she tries to be 100% especially with her children, unfortunately, it’s not possible because everyone’s patience runs out at some point.

A mother takes care, does, chases after things, and goes out of her way to do everything possible—and impossible—for her child. But raising children is not an easy task and dealing with tantrums and misbehavior is even harder. After all, who has nerves of steel?

Mother’s Guilt

The big problem is that mothers end up blaming and punishing themselves for losing patience with their children, even though they’re human and subject to everything, even “yelling” when they reach their breaking point. Obviously, “blowups” can be avoided if we know our limits and ask for help “from the experts” when we’re at our limit. But what about when we don’t have a partner or family member to turn to?

Even the calmest and most serene women have their moments of stress. Some find it easier to control their outbursts than others. That’s why we decided to write this post to give some tips for mothers who need an extra dose of patience with their children, especially those who are in the “testing” phase with their parents.

According to psychologists, patience is a matter of practice and the more you practice, the more you’ll have1. Taking deep breaths, counting to ten, and even stepping away for a bit when you feel your limit approaching are ways to keep from doing something you’ll regret later.

Tips for Controlling Your Patience

Children go through phases and, compared to a video game, each level gets harder. If you think babies and their endless colic and midnight cries are tough, you haven’t gotten to the stage where they crawl or walk and start exploring the world.

They climb on everything, mess with and move everything around, don’t listen, and throw tantrums when they’re told no2. But this stage can seem easy compared to the next, when they think they’re self-sufficient and even dare to talk back when given an order. And when they’re preteens or already teenagers, don’t even mention it!3

Is There a Worst Phase?

The truth is that there isn’t one phase that’s worse than another. The worst phase is always the one you’re going through at that moment, and you’ll have to learn to deal with your patience and your way of reacting to your child’s behavior. So here are some tips that can be valuable and have a big impact on mother–child relationships, if followed.

  • Always remember, you are your child’s mirror. If you don’t want to see them yelling at people, don’t yell at them;
  • When you feel your patience running out, take a deep breath and, if necessary, walk away for a few minutes until you catch your breath. Deep breathing in and out also helps a lot with staying calm;
  • Remember, children are in the process of learning and end up testing us all the time. This is the time to teach them what’s not okay!;
  • Before you snap, yell, or react, pause and reflect on why you’re losing patience. Often it’s not even the kids’ fault and we end up taking out our frustration with other problems on them;
  • Bend down and talk to them eye-to-eye. Even if it seems like they’re not understanding, do your part as an educator and mother;

We know it’s not easy to deal with kids, especially when we’re exhausted from our busy routines and a million problems in our heads. But what we teach and how we are with our children may seem insignificant at the time, but it’s what will become a lifelong lesson for them. Be the mother and father you want your children to be in the future!

Photo: George Hodan